Tuesday, January 11, 2011

The Way It Is

A normal day is a luxury.

Both kids were fine this morning.  
They did their morning routine in 45 minutes. 
I wasn't even ready with breakfast yet. 
I was so surprised.

****

My husband and I were on our knees last night until late with me bawling.

Yes, it had been that bad.

I needed to take Christina to symphony practice and then pick up Steve from work. We're constantly juggling the car situation - two cars, three drivers. Vanessa couldn't go to town for me because she had quite a bit of homework to finish and so she and Bri offered to babysit if I would go to town. I figured it would be fine. Yes, it had been a trying day in every sense of the word, but they were calm now and really, if they could do whatever they wanted there would be nothing to worry about. There was nothing to ask of the twins. It was playtime, supper, story time and bed. I couldn't predict any kind of bad behaviors, 

except I forgot about teeth brushing after supper.

Who'd a thought?

Vanessa handled it expertly, but it was bad. Buster raged out of control just because he didn't want to brush his teeth. For safety's sake he was put out on the porch and she tried to talk him down through the open window.

Later she cried.
"It's scary because he was out of his mind. He looked demon possessed".

I know.

It's very distressing.

I won't ask the girls to babysit again for a long time.

Steve was able to get off work a few minutes early and we drove home as quickly as possible. It was over and everything was under control, though. In fact, Buster was in bed, but we got him up since he wasn't asleep because we wanted him to know that treating Vanessa like that was NOT acceptable in the least. 

Later the 5 of us read from Child Guidance and we realized in a forceful way that we do not do everything right. (Not that we really thought we were handling everything well, mind you.) The Lord has a much higher standard for us to attain. We struggle because sometimes these kids are impossible. Nothing works. They are not willing to give themselves to God. They are in rebellion... and it's sooooo stupid!!! Frustration takes over sometimes. I have been working on how I react. Modifying the tone of my voice, leaving the heart problem in the Lord's hands, spending more time reading the Bible, claiming the promises, seeking new and better ways to manage the attitudes and disobedience, etc... it has been a journey and half, but we still fall short.

One thing we have decided is to delay the consequences. I have been very quick to deal with everything. I let NOTHING get by; NOTHING EVER. If a child is in sin I cannot and will not  turn a blind eye. My mom taught me well. This was her strong point also. But I tend to want to "fix" everything up right now. 

Straighten up, smarten up and take that frown off your face NOW!!
Or I'll fix your little-red-wagon!

My fear is if I don't deal NOW it will drag on all day. . . and it might. But we have decided to start trying delayed consequences. They will be told that there will be a consequence, but that we need time to pray before we decide what that will be. They need time to cool and hopefully think before they are dealt with. This will give me time to hear the Still Small Voice. This will give me time to "get over it", too. I can then maybe talk it over with Steve so it can then be a joint decision. 

Obviously, if the kid is going to rage out of his head we have to deal with it then and there.... but the consequences for allowing himself to go crazy will be delayed. (Yes, I know he can control this - he would not have raged over brushing his teeth if I was standing there. He was testing Vanessa to push for his agenda and to scare her into letting him off the hook. She still had him brush his teeth, though, so good for her!) Later when he is in his right mind he can carry fire wood from the lower barn to the upper barn, and then vice-versa, or whatever the consequence is that he must serve.

Another thing that we decided is that Steve and I are not always on the same page. We always back each other up regardless of how we feel about it, but we don't always have the same idea of what needs to be done. This is partly because we are busy and don't take the time to share what each of us is learning. That has to change.

We need more patience, more love, more forbearance.
in short, we need
more 1Corinthians 13 being lived out in our lives.

Anyway, I try to be as open here as I can be,
I don't want to lead anyone to think we've figured this out, 
have it all together and are doing it all perfectly, 
'cause we are just learning, growing and hopefully finding our way.

One kind lady believes that parenting skills come to me naturally.
Nope, I assure you they do not.
I am naturally hot tempered and impatient.
My natural inclinations are self-centered.... Only I want to do God's will.
I am grateful for the twins.
The lessons in patience and surrender that I somehow did not master with my first three girls I'm revisiting on a new level. It's kind of a second chance for me. I want to be ready when Jesus comes and my character needs refining and remaking before that great day - and God has seen fit to allow me to enroll in the school of hard knocks!!

I wish you could all meet the twins, though,
they are naughty as all -get- out,
but they are cute and have potential.
I don't mean to make them out to be the devil - but the devil has had his way too long,
and the battle for their souls is a tough one.
It's all out war.

5 comments:

Mama in Uganda said...

What an amazing post.

I know, I know, I keep telling you that I'm going to email you.

Life has been busy and hard.

I just love what the Lord has revealed to you and your husband.

HE is faithful.

Blessings,
S

My Strength and Song said...

"The eternal God is thy refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and he shall thrust out the enemy from before thee; and shall say, Destroy them." Duet 33:27

The Lord will carry you and them through this! We will pray the paperwork will be done soon.

Blessings,

C

Holly said...

I am just so very proud of you, even though I don't actually know you! You are doing it. Living Christ. Saying yes to surrendering your "life" for children worthy of love, but full of sin. Just like we all are full of sin, but God accepts us. What an example you are to all of us! Not giving up on those precious, difficult kids. Keep on keeping on, sweet friend! Your reward is coming!

Sharon said...

Praising God for His amazing work of grace in your life! You are giving us courage that He who has begun a good work in us will bring it to perfection as we surrender to His will.

Jennifer said...

Wonderful post! God's ways are not our ways. I love your thoughts and ideas. Keep 'em coming. Don't mind if I ride your coattails, ok? Your honesty is amazing and your words are pure. Thank you for fighting for your kids and showing us that the battle is only won by the Lord.