Progress and Where to Go NEXT!

Just taking a mini break from mowing uphill for a minute or two ...

After SEVERAL days of pushing their limits and both children missing the bus, and or breakfast for a solid week they revamped their morning strategy and were on time and EARLY for the bus today. It was a total conscious decision, especially on Missy's part, to be on time. She was SO proud of herself, too. She pointed it out to me in happy chatter over her bowl of cereal.

For the most part, the really really really hard behaviors have kind of melted into oblivion which is much noted and appreciated. I know that just being calm and going with the flow and not acting in a wild and belligerent way actually tones down the stress in their bodies by a hundred fold and they are even more capable of then feeling calm and peaceful. In the same way that they can spiral down, down, down out of control into the depths of chaos, and anxiety, they can work their way upwards and outward into a more restful state. I can't tell you what's working right now. Is it that we know how to diffuse situations more efficiently? Are they maturing enough to be repulsed by certain behaviors to avoid going there? Is the routine just so steady it's all good? Is the consistency of the discipline...(when that happens - this happens every single time!).... finally making some inroads into their brains? Likely it's all of the above.

For the most part, Yes, Missy was way out of control with her in-home care giver a couple weeks ago and she did pull some wacky shenanigans out of her old repertoire, but I totally believe she was testing to see how far she could push this new person. It didn't work out so well for her and she's completely back to working with the lady just fine.  I consistently see this child as WAY below her age level and so it is to be expected that she will act like a 3 year old sometimes - but hopefully not a three year old with severe, severe behavioral issues. She is oppositional. Don't get me wrong. This child is defiantly oppositional and she can't seem to choose a softer approach to authority even when she wants to. It's like she is compelled to have the last word ALWAYS under EVERY circumstance. However, it's quieter than before. She isn't screaming bloody murder ALL the TIME.

Both children got in trouble yesterday. It was typical kid trouble. I asked them not to do something and that's exactly where they were found themselves and before long they were doing it again. It's how they reacted when caught in the act that shows where the progress is made. Missy was a trooper. She begged to be let off the hook with many promises of not ever doing it again, etc.... I told her I forgave her and all that, but it doesn't take away from the fact that she disobeyed and that she needed to learn from her mistake and take her consequence. She responded to her consequence without further ado. THAT shows the real progress. James had a little harder time. He hates to be caught. He started to spit... and I just looked at him and asked him what that was about and it was enough to make him think about where he was headed. He stopped and cooperated after that.

I'm searching, searching, researching for what we need to do next. I have two books on the brain I am reading at once. I have two or three DVD's / online videos I've been watching. I'm connecting with therapists and reading reviews, following leads and exploring every option for improving their brain capacity. I know it can be done. BUT NO ONE will share the information without a MAJOR price tag. It's tough. We're headed towards Neurological Reorganization and it is expensive and hard work, but I have run into a few roadblocks in trying to set up an appointment. I finally have a date, but there's more to it than just having an appointment.  Yay for living in the sticks (not!)

James came home from school last week with a diploma from PT. He has completed all his goals and is PT free now. I was a little surprised. He still would have trouble playing ball.... and no one spoke to me about it at all, but I guess it's good. He was evaluated at the hospital recently also and did not qualify anymore. I have to think that his issues are more about slow processing than actual physical inability and thus we continue OT.

Mount St Helens - In Answer to Prayer

This weekend we have had the privilege of having Dr. Doug Newton and his team put on a Creation seminar for us. We had had him here several years ago and we had all learned so much. It was the kind of highlight homeschoolers look for. We were excited to go again and I had a secret hope that it would generate some new interests for James. I prayed over and over that SOMETHING would catch his attention and he would get excited to learn.

We were a little late but the first meeting started off late, so we didn't miss anything, but it meant we sat in the back which was not acceptable seating for Brianna and after 5 minutes she weaseled her way up to the very front row with James in tow. Missy was a case. Totally uninterested and squirming all over the place. We finally told her to lay on the floor and go to sleep.

The first evening the topic was on the catastrophic explosion of Mount St. Helens, which was very apropos since yesterday was the 33rd anniversary of that major event. So much has been learned through this event. It is an amazing study.

There were a lot of drawings and prizes and artifacts to look at, pictures and interesting lectures on varies topics.  James continued to sit on the front row through the whole thing. I wondered what he was taking in and understanding.  He wanted to be chosen for a prize but though his sleeping sister's name was drawn, it never fell to him. She stumbled up to the speaker in a daze totally unsure why she was up there. James waited on the edge of his seat for his turn the whole time always alert. He perused the artifacts of bones and stones and shells and eggs.... at every opportunity. Finally it was all over. And his name had never been drawn and the tears started but when I told him that I would be getting a few DVD's for him he bucked up.

 This morning he greeted me with facts. "Mom did you know that Mount St. Helens erupted on May 18, 1980?"

Of the DVDs I bought for him the one he chose to watch first is the one on Mount St. Helens. He has been watching it on the computer and stopping it every time he needs time to soak in the pictures better. He also stops it to discuss with whoever will listen what he's just learned. He stops it to take brain breaks. He points out photos and illustrations that were shown at the seminar. He's totally into it. I know he doesn't understand it all. 

I'm grateful for the new interest. It's what had I prayed for!

Life is Too Crazy

They Call Me Mom

Vanessa ~ Brianna ~ Christina ~ James ~ Anna-Joy ~ Buddy ~ Duckie

We worked hard.

My girls have longed ago learned that 

Gifts of Service 

mean the world to me.

The lawns are mowed, 

weeds are whacked,

basement cleaned,

laundry folded, 

etc...

The little guys spent the day with their mom and I was able to make headway in reclaiming the house as well.

It feels good to have that much accomplished in one day.

The last few weeks I had been dragging from that sickness

and I was doing good to put one foot in front of another.

I kept saying,

"Do the next thing. Just do the next thing!"

I'm happy to report I'm over the hump and taking it up a notch.

My new line is:

"Do HARD things".

I told the girls the other thing that would please me much

would be a photo of the 5 of them that I could frame.

They dressed up and left for an our and came back with several different and interesting poses.

Motherhood feels like a bit of a conundrum.

I can't take a bit of credit for how well any of them turn out.

The good choices and the dedication of the big girls to God and His will for their lives

is despite my failings ~ and I am blessed,

and yet,

if we don't work our tail off on these next two

they haven't a chance in the world. . . 

I get it, of course.

Every which way you look at it

our reliance must be on God.

Speaking of the twins,

James decided to make me a treasure hunt for Mother's day.

I had to find his messages...

So cute.

 The green card was tucked into the cushions of the couch.

The yellow one on the dash of my van.

I got a text from an unfamiliar and extra long number yesterday.

Words I did not understand.

"Jenet wa mago namba yangu mpya. Its my new number."

I'm a little slow.  

Twenty-four hours later I finally figured out that

Jenet could be my mother, Janet,  who lives in the African village of Mago

where they speak Swahili.

So, I looked up the number and it is indeed from Tanzania.

She doesn't usually write to me in Swahili, though... ??

So, I wished her a happy mother's day and a happy birthday.

Love you,

MOM.

How it Played Out

Things were escalating. I finally told the worker I was taking over and she could go home 30 minutes early, but I told her to please show me everything that she had expected Missy to do and I would sit by her and wait for her to do it.

Missy then put up a false fight that lasted about 5 minutes and then she got down to business and did EVERYTHING for me just fine. At least she finally has it in her head that I am not to be trifled with. The expectations were not too high. The work was not overwhelming in the least. She was truly trying to get rid of the worker and I know I let her go a half hour early..... but then I made the kid do double. Plus she had to go running. She used up all her play time.

In a sense this display validates my concerns. No one outside our family has seen this behavior at this level for a very long time. Someone has now seen it in full bloom. The poor gal was in total shock. How could such a cute little girl be so aggressive and ornery?

Unfortunately, Missy was passive aggressive this morning and to her great joy...NOT! she missed the bus so she got to go running with dad again to get to school.

***

Oh dear. Buddy just came out with a nail clipper asking me to clip his nails. He's covered in mineral powder. I guess he thinks he's going out on the town today. He thought he needed makeup!!!! I'm so afraid to check out the bathroom.

Testing, Testing... 1.2.3....

I'm standing by as my daughter tests her in-home care worker to the max.

I've tried to intervene. It isn't working. She's crying buckets of tears because she knows the consequence, though I never mentioned it, but she refuses to respect the woman and follow directions.

This is nothing new, of course. It just means the honeymoon is over and now the child is going to work her finest in getting rid of this worker. The worker has a few strands of grey. She promised me she isn't going anywhere.

I feel sick making this woman go thru this non-sense.

I need to talk with the school and find out if they have been seeing any of this? Or are they just letting her off the hook? How can she be so like this for anyone who asks anything of her at home and we never hear about negative behaviors at school?

She hasn't been doing this kind of behavior for me in awhile - like I'm seeing right now. It's bad. Really, really  bad. Like ripping the pages out of her reader, slamming the table, screaming, manipulating, lying....

***

A great victory for the babies' mom today. No one can force medication because it isn't needed. She's fine. She has the doctor's word.

60 days

Is the ruling... Some weird stuff.... But we'll get through it. The mom has the best attitude about it. She's likely to seek better legal counsel because of the fishy stuff.

Happy Birthday Little Duckie!

Sweet, sweet boy!

Little curls, contagious giggle, a toothy smile

Pinch~able chubby cheeks and little fat rolls

Always a happy face and a ready wave

Thrilled to patty-cake and ever dancing with the music

Such a snuggler... and so sweetly patting me on the back

I tell you I am "Aunty" and you call me "Mama", but you know who your Mama is ~ those bonds are as strong as they should be. Today was suppose to be a gigantic celebration.  . . They set this court date months and months ago to close this case with DSHS... And today they are still holding court, but the case is not closing and they will not be discussing celebration. I really don't know what will happen today. I just know I have to leave it in God's hands and just celebrate your 1st birthday at home with you. And celebrate that I know you and love you, and that, though you had a rough start, you are whole and healthy and happy. We won't try to think about the future. We'll just enjoy today.

You think you are pretty big. You made a call to a guy in Florida this morning ~ first thing. We'll have to watch where we put our cell phones from now on!

Have a happy, birthday little man. We all love you!! May your angels guard and protect you and may you grow to love Jesus!
Previous words to this same babe: http://pealsofprice.blogspot.com/2012/06/reunited.html

Court Tomorrow {Prayers Please!}

Court tomorrow.

I have become more and more uncomfortable with DSHS's handling of this case. I think the babies will not be going anywhere and nothing is going to change much. Which is fine... except that mother has done everything they told her to do and more, but they keep changing the rules. There is some untruths being fed the Social Worker that are making things very difficult. Also, I don't think it is the Social Worker's place to diagnose a parent (based on here-say) with a mental disorder and then say that she won't allow the mother to have her children back until she is on medication. That is SO WRONG! She is neither qualified to diagnose, nor to force a person into medication.  She set up an Psych eval and then this same SW plans to attend the appointment.... Like, WAIT a second! There is something really weird about that. Thankfully that is ringing some alarm bells in some heads and I don't believe she will be allowed to do that. To top that off, the reputation of some of the psychologists here is really negative and we aren't sure which is which.

I just want truth to be known. I want justice; for the kids and for their mom.  I pray that the judge will make the right decision.

THAT Special Needs Mom

 

The other day I was sitting with a woman at horse therapy. Her daughter was riding, too.  I said, "You know what I like about this therapy best over all the others? There's no homework!"

She laughed and agreed and then she began to open to me what it was like to be her.... that mom with a special needs child. Her daughter has a Sensory Integration Disorder. She struggles with sensory over-stimulation. She told about their therapies, and piano practice, school, their schedule and the balancing act of being fully mom to the 4 year old sibling, as well.

And I started to feel overwhelmed for her... because I could see how it's taken over their family and their day-to-day and over-all life. How it has taken an enormous amount of time and fortitude and persistence to make breakthroughs. How it's changed their social life because, naturally,  it has changed them.

And then I remembered;  I am THAT special needs mom, too.

She had asked about the twins and I had told her a little, but I realized at this point what she needed wasn't to hear about our crazy life ... {as in, I can one-up-you. I have two special needs kids ...} and I was digging down deep for words when we were interrupted from conversation and soon our little riders dismounted their ponies. I'll see her again Friday during therapy, but meanwhile I've been thinking a lot about what it is that we special needs moms need from each other the most.

Is it encouragement to keep plugging away that a difference will be made, by and by?
Is it to remind each other to find bits of joy in the journey & to hold that close when it's hard?
Is it the sharing of information back and forth to ease the roughness of some patches?
Is it validation that they are good moms despite behaviors they have to work through?
Is it friendship to make the journey less terrifying and solitary so they know they are not alone?

Among friends  we don't talk about the deep things much. It can get you into awkward situations if you try. Not many know how to relate or care to go there...  and it gets lonely. Quite lonely. Like living on separate planet from nearly everyone you know sometimes.

I totally get that. I guess I wouldn't have if I hadn't become that special needs mom.

The Originals....

This family's original Ford models...

Got Green Drink?

 The Buddy drinks it up lickety-split and says, "MORE! MORE!"

 We have greens of EVERY variety and shape and size in the greenhouse and garden...

and everybody is gung ho about green drinks, 

Except two......

I think though that I figured out a recipe that doesn't make me gag. 

I am not a smoothie or milk shake sort of gal.

I drink only to my health :-)

 And this one?

She drinks only for her mother's sake,

though she's threatening to go on strike... :-/

Who'd a Thought? Pre Med?

I spent the morning with Christina at the college in the office of her "homeschool" biology teacher discussing her future.

She has big dreams.

She wants to be a missionary doctor should this old world last long enough. It surprises us a little that she is that serious about it. She reads blogs like Olen and Danae's & Bere Adventist Hospital,  Missionary Band and is mesmerized by them. She is riveted by her dad's stories at the end of his work day. She's the first one on the scene of someone needing first aid (if Vanessa doesn't beat her to it. That pull is strong in both of them and they don't shy away from vomit and dirty diapers. Lucky me!).

Forget what I said about her missing the math section of the college entrance exam by two points. They are now testing her to see if she can skip Algebra 105 and head straight into pre-calculus. Apparently Teaching Textbooks has a great reputation with this college and her grades are very good for Algebra 1 and 2, so, we shall see. I hope she doesn't go in over her head.

Speaking of which, she has also been advised to sign up for chemistry the first quarter, also. That put a little fire under her. The fire I couldn't seem to lite to make a certain homeschool chemistry course her priority!!! All of a sudden, it's center stage.  I realize A&P is a major science and doing two major sciences at once is a little tough, but I had this feeling. . . . again, I hope she doesn't go in over her head right off the bat. She is smart enough, but this will be her first "real" school experience.

Seeing she is starting her pre-requisits at the tender age of 15 she is being advised to take three years to get her Associates degree. She has time. She has a lot ahead of her. It could be done in two years with an AST degree, but that transfer degree is only good to certain colleges and could limit her greatly.

She's a busy gal right now. Drivers Ed. Volunteering at the horse therapy ranch, all her homeschool classes to finish up, her jobs, her music lessons and the flute lesson she teaches, and then she helps me out a lot with child care.

***

It's that time of year when everybody is talking about what their plans are for the next year. So much talk! Some will be trying school for the first time. Some will be leaving school and homeschooling again. Every year is a big shake up and it's kind of fun to see how the chips fall.

Wordless Wednesday

Update on the Foster Children

Halleluiah!!

BOTH boys slept ALL NIGHT!  Yay!!!  It was so out of the ordinary that I had to get up every once in awhile to make sure they were still alive. :-) I've been letting the Duckling cry it out.... but the proverbial "let 'em cry 3 nights and they'll sleep" has NEVER worked out quite like that for me. The more I tried to help him sleep the worse things got, so I've been letting him cry and the crying was getting shorter and shorter, but it's taken almost two weeks. His crying wakes the other child, of course, and then he's all disturbed. So happy to finally achieve an all night of sleep with this little guy.

We'll see what happens when the temperature dips a bit tonight and the roar of the orchard fans envelopes our house.

The Duckling  is getting to be easier as he gets older. This has been the neediest child I have ever, ever cared for. From the time he came home from the hospital he has been the neediest baby ever. The second time I got him back into care was frightening. This is this child's third time in my care and he will be 1 year old next week. Can ya blame the little chap for being so desperate to be held and loved? So much back and forth is devastating to a baby. He is at the stage where he screams and cries if anyone takes him from me.... only his mother is allowed to do that, but he will now go on his own and is very busy with his play for longer periods of time which is SO nice. He pulls himself up on everything and is close to walking. He claps his hands and "sings" and waves at everybody.

Buddy is a tad confused. My expectations are different than the expectations in his mother's home. She's a great parent, but I am not her. I have my way and she has hers. For example it's okay at his house to take whatever food he wants from the snack cupboard, or his mother's plate and I'm like "keep your little grubby hands OFF my food, thank you very much!!"  No two year old is going to help himself to anything in my kitchen. It will be served at set times. He wants to come and go from the table as he pleases and I'm all, "if you leave and you are DONE!" So, we have some clashing going on because he is throwing fits when he doesn't get his way. Then when he would be put in time out he would look for ways to be naughty. He'd throw stuff, break things, scream in a high pitch, dump water on the floor, slap his baby brother across the face, and he even sneaks to get what he wants already, etc... He's smart. It's been tough to get that under control. Part is his frustration at the upheaval in his life. He's two. He doesn't know when he'll see his dad... it could be days, it could be this afternoon. He doesn't know if he's suppose to get in my car, or mom's car and he gets quite upset when he can't figure it all out. His mother feels so horrible about everything that has happened that she tends to want to make it up to him and let him have what he wants, which makes things more difficult because now he thinks if he shows enough emotion he'll get catered to..... and it isn't happening here, folks. His speech is starting to be more clear which is very helpful in knowing what his frustration is.

The talk is that the social worker will not be recommending that the kiddos go home at the hearing on the Duckling's birthday. She's thinking another 30 days.  However, she is but one decision maker of several. I'm praying that if it's right they will go home sooner because it's so hard on them to be away from their mom. However, I don't want them to go home only to turn around and come back here because the parent is struggling again..... It's a hard call for the system to make. I pray the Lord guides them.

I still have a horrible, aggravated cough. All the pollen and dust doesn't help anything.

My tomato plants are beginning to sell. The funds help with Christina's tuition to Youth for Jesus in the summer. After hers is paid then it will go to Brianna's...

The family is hooked on the jar salads. Steve loves them. I just have to make sure I have all the ingredients Sunday to put them together. It's taking more time as I harvest, wash and clean more from the garden and buy less from the store. We have so many varieties of greens ready for the eating in the garden and greenhouse right now that I'm making green drinks and cooking greens at every meal.

Tried a new soup recipe that I found on Pinterest. It's YUMMY! If you are looking for something new go here: Sweet Potato Peanut Soup.