James and I went and visited with a behavioral therapist here in town. She asked questions, went over his history, and we told our story. Then she asked what we had hoped to accomplish by visiting with her. I told her I was hoping for some input and strategies to help him reach his potential and learn deal with his emotions better.
She looked at me and said,
"You are already doing everything right.
It's just going to take time."
*sigh*
Well, we tried.
I had thought to leave no stone unturned. She gave me a list of books to read. Some I have already read. I realized after talking with her I am actually well read on the subject. I have done a ton of research. As long as it had no New-Age connections or Mystical medicine links, I have given it thought, compared it with the principles in scripture and put it into practice or dumped it. And probably I have learned more on the subject through reading other mom's experiences online than anywhere else.
It was nice to talk to a real live person with some background, though.
One thing that she said that was little light bulb moment was this: "As adults we think through things, we self talk, we motivate ourselves internally, etc... but with these kids we do all the WORK for them. We think it through, we talk them through, we walk them through and we motivate them to then next stage."
We do all the work. No wonder I am exhausted at the end of the day.
She did suggest that James might need a brain stimulant... I will study that aspect of the brain, but as far as medication goes, it would take a lot to convince me at this point. I think we are a whole society dependent on stimulants and I don't think it is a healthy crutch. . .
4 comments:
Been here. I remember the therapist looking at me and saying, "You ARE her therapist" for all intensive purposes. Weigh the medication carefully. Sometimes medication can help a child (who constantly fails) feel like a success. For us, that far outweighed the cons for one particular child. Another couldn't learn to read (tried three years in a row) until we tried a low dose. Tada, she is catching up in leaps and bounds.
I know it feels great to hear from a professional you are doing the right things. We all knew it already and have been trying to tell you ...haha...maybe you will believe us now. :)
One of mine is on meds and the other is not. Honestly can't imagine living with Jackson off his meds again. It had gotten so bad and he was so violent. I do hope he can come off of some of them as he matures and heals but I do expect him to need his mood stabilizer even as an adult. Time and healing will tell.
You are officially at 101 followers! Hurray! I love following your blog and reading of the ups and downs and how your family tackles them. You give me hope and encouragement in my own parenting of my son healing from trauma.
:( that the specialist doesn't have any new ideas :) that she realizes how awesome you are (remember that on those days that you are questioning it all) You are the best therapist for the children and although they are hard to see and sometimes we all wonder if they really are they are growing and progressing so much (now if you figure out how to eliminate or magically turn off those regressions and set backs be sure to blog about it because that is something we need here too)
Cynthia
From what you write, I think that therapist knows what she's talking about.
I have a very good friend who is a therapist that my kids saw for awhile, until she told me that they don't need her, because I'm the best therapist they could have.
I do have a huge amount of respect for her opinion, but sometimes I wish I had that much confidence in myself!
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