Wednesday, May 30, 2012

RADiculous For Sure

 The girls are having a little fun with the photography!!


It only gets worse. We are on a downward spiral.

I messed up. I told the twins a couple of days ago that we would be seeing their biological mom in June for the yearly visit. I called her by her first name. James smiled and asked where. Missy started asking tons of questions in rapid fire without waiting for answers. Missy's first question was "is that my OTHER mom?"

She started obsessing.

And then she started rejecting.

Would this downward spiral have happened anyway? Could it be the adjustment to yet another baby? How do you decide what is the trigger? And does it matter?

When I picked up James from his teacher she whispered that he had wet his pants twice and she couldn't figure it out because she had sent him to use the bathroom twice. I was surprised. It has only happened a handful of times since January and always when he was playing with kids or got over excited. I didn't mention it to him, only when we arrived home I sent him to take a shower and change.... as I ALWAYS do when he wets his pants.

He blew.

He ended up folding clothes after cleaning up. We talked about everything and it came out that when the teacher asked him to the use the bathroom, he only walked in and shut the door. Then came out and wet his pants.

The logic defies me. I was brokenhearted.

Last night we talked as a family on how we were going to handle the morning with Missy. We decided that no one would be pushing her. No one would mind the shenanigans. 

 I let everyone know that the breakfast menu was pancakes and oven potatoes. Anyone could have a pancake at 7:20, but if they were later than that there wouldn't be any left. Missy declared she wanted two.

She had come up to me with smiles and a cheery good morning and I had split second of hope. Then she literally sat at the breakfast bar in her pj's for more than half an hour without moving a hair watching me cook.  She put forth zero effort. Her twin was working through his routine happily chatting about his pancake. The girls were busy, busy getting ready for school,  Buddy needed to be ready for his visit with his dad, Steve for his appointment. Suddenly with 5 minutes to spare she decided to get with it.  She went down to get dressed and asked Vanessa what she should wear. Vanessa got an outfit ready for her, but Missy decided she wasn't wearing it. She wandered all over the house in search of phantom clothes. Finally she put on an unmatching bunch of clothes and I had to tell her to please put the original outfit on. She demanded that I do the buttons. The baby was squalling for his milk. I told her I didn't have time but she could start working on them and I would do half of them when I got a chance. She laid down on the floor of her room and Steve caught her doing something she knows she is not allowed.

At 10 minutes until 8 o'clock Steve started the car and James buckled up. Missy was not half dressed, hair still not done, teeth  not brushed, she hadn't come to breakfast ... I suggested he just leave her home, but he didn't think that was the right choice. In the middle of this discussion she started demanding "her pancake"...(of all things!) and wailing about it.  Steve almost took James to school without her thinking to return home later for her so that James would not be late, but that would jeopardize Steve's appointment, and maybe that wasn't the right thing either. He came back in the house grabbed a brush, a face cloth and a pair of shoes and picked Missy up and buckled her in.

At the school he washed her face in the car, brushed her hair and asked her to button her dress. She wasn't doing it and went through great pains to show him that she could not, so finally he sent her out of the car. On the sidewalk she buttoned up in a minute.

Steve called me. His assessment is that she believes she is in complete control.

She's completely ditched relationships again.


Sophie said...

ditto here with D. sad. sorry.

school is out here and I am already about to lose my mind with her.

GB's Mom said...

This would be an expected reaction for a RAD kid. The upcoming visit, all by itself, would be a big trigger. {{{Hugs}}}