To always have been her Mama...
To have given her a different kind of start in life.
To have shielded her from the pain that has made her heart distrust.
To have nurtured a relationship with her little person to encourage her to forage other true hearted friendships and relationships.
SO much I would have wanted differently for her.
But there is little use in wishing back the clock... What was WAS.
I look back on the past two very hard years and I see the shackles falling, the barred doors creaking open, the pain giving way to joy, the flat, dull uninterested eyes resuming their sparkle.... She is growing to love life.
She is doing well in school. I smile and nod when the teachers exclaim over her capabilities ... she isn't the picture they had formed in their mind after reading her test scores. She's proving herself to be more. She is also hyper-vigilant about where she needs to be when... which is annoying to mom and teacher, alike. She is happy to come home and has been pleasant to live with. She is very tired at the end of the day.
What was WAS, but what is IS forever changing... Praise be to God.