We never saw it coming at all.
We are still scratching our heads to figure out what it was about.
Christina was cleaning and organizing the cupboard in James' room. It holds the kids art supplies and school books and can't seem to stay orderly for more than three days at a time. There's an old 13 inch TV in there. Old as in maybe 40 years old and weighs a ton for it's size. It's the only one we have. I have kept it because it is hooked up to an old vhs machine and we have couple old home movies. One is of our wedding. The other is of the girls when they were small. There's quite a few good clips of when Christina was about 2 years old on that second one.
As Christina was cleaning she popped this vhs in to pass the time. The twins were drawn in right away. They've watched it before, but it's so funny to see those big girls so little. There's a part where Steve wrestles with the girls on the floor. There's a part where he reads them a story. There's the part where we sang songs together around the piano....
And that's when the tears began to flow.
I think the simple music broke the dam that was holding back a lot of emotion. Heartbroken, sad, and maybe even a little confused at the powerful feelings... James cried his sorrow out on my shoulder.
It's so absolutely distressing that this boy of nearly 8 cannot explain why he is crying. All his thoughts are captive secrets. All we know is that watching our family interacting years ago on that small screen before he was even born triggered a lot of feelings. Maybe he doesn't understand that he wasn't born yet. He just definitely recognized that he wasn't there. He's missing from the action. Maybe he wants his dad to roughhouse with him more like he saw in the video. Maybe he wants to be little again. Maybe we'll never know.
As for Missy, she only wanted to know "when we got Christina". As in, how old was she when the social worker dropped her off at the door?
Life isn't very fair, is it?