Lying is at an all time high with Buster Brown.
At this time I can believe NOTHING he says.
He's quite convincing.
Almost.
Everyone else will believe him but me and eventually the truth shows up.
I wish I knew why. There has to be a reason.
I don't have any strategies. I haven't been doing anything about it except to let him know clearly that he isn't speaking the truth and then expecting him to do what he says he already did. I am trying not to ask him questions to give him opportunity, but that isn't easy at all. One can point blank say, "You didn't feed the dog", and he will lie from here to kingdom come that he did and that he gave her a full container, etc... Dogs can't talk, but they don't lie, either. The dog was so starving she was knocking on the door and barking for her breakfast.
This morning as I handed Buster's' coveted buttered waffles to the dog, I told him that if he couldn't feed the dog her dog food he would have to share his breakfast and only when it was super clear to him that I didn't buy his line did he admit he had never fed her. Brianna went out and fed the dog and cats. Missy hadn't fed the cats either. They are both in time-out for not doing their chores.
I'm trying to be matter-of-fact. I expect him to lie until whatever the real issue is has resolved.
If anyone has suggestions, I'm all ears.
6 comments:
Can't wait for replies on this one.
I can not believe ANYTHING Jackson or Delaney say. I have already been through it with Delaney this morning. She has even started talking around the lie and truth by telling part of the truth to try to convince me of the lie. So frustrating.
Character flaw and only God can change their heart is my answer and solution.
I have one now on "talking restriction" due to lying. I have learned not to ask questions that give opportunity to lie. If I do have to ask a question, he has to write his answer. I notice that having to write a lie takes more effort than to let one roll off the tongue because he has to think about writing more.
Lying is a common behavior with both FASD and RAD. I'm guessing that you might find some good ideas approaching the lying from those perspectives. I raised an FASD adopted child who is now in his 40s. He still "lies" but I think of it differently now - not as a character flaw as I did when he was a child, but rather as a cognitive disorder relating to brain damage.
I don't believe it's a cognitive disorder when it comes to the lying. They know when they are lying and when they are telling the truth. I think it's a behavioral/emotional/spiritual issue, but it does need to be disciplined. (Just my opinion) Could you withhold their breakfast daily until someone has checked to see if they have completed their chores? I know it's frustrating that someone has to check daily but that's the nature of things right now. Oh the lying is what sends me into orbit so fast with the RAD in my life. Well that and the absolute lack of ownership of his choices and he's 19!
Seven years later we are still dealing with lies. But, getting better. Illustration: Son was asked to bring up 2 jars of spaghetti sauce. He did. One was sealed, the other's top was popped. I asked: "Son, did you open the jar as you were coming up?"
Vehement denials "No, No, No I didn't do anything". Me "I'm not going to lop your hand off at the wrist. I don't believe you. I need to know if you just now loosened the lid because if you did, the food is okay. If you did not, it isn't okay to eat and you and everyone else will get sick". "So I will ask you once again, did you loosen the top of the jar?". "Yes mom, just a little, I wasn't thinking when I was carrying it". "Great son" "Now let's pretend we are doing this the first time, from the beginning, and we'll see how it goes".
Me: "Son, did you loosen the lid on this jar?" Son "Yes mom, sorry, I wasn't thinking". Me: "Thanks, son, cause we wouldn't want to eat it if it was like that for a long time". End of conversation. ****sigh*** It shouldn't have had to take that long. But, it was progress. Not so long ago it would have taken days to get that response. Hang in there!
Satan is the father of lies.
Lying is not a character flaw nor a symptom of a disease {other than the disease of sin}.
Each and EVERY time Buster traps himself in a lie, he needs to know that only the truth will set him free. The more he lies, the harder it will be for him to get out of the trap of his own making!
Keep being the truth teller and revealer.
Blessings and wisdom,
Summer
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