As far as I can tell we have hit stage three of the new kids adjustment to our family. The first stage included a high level of excitement and intense activity and a short attention span. Stage two consisted of two days of utter exhaustion during which I did my best to keep them fed, exercised and clean, if nothing else. Stage three is a leveling out towards normal, I think. Familiar with the routine, they know what to expect and how to respond. They seem calm and comfortable enough to try a few tricks just for the fun of it, or perhaps they are finally at ease enough to be themselves? I'm not sure, but whichever, they have found their match! This Mom is not easily fooled, does not pass over disobedience lightly, or ignore character building opportunities. Crying in this house never turns a "no" into a "yes". In fact very much crying out of self -pity and anger or for any other reason besides pain or real sorrow could land a little person in a "time-out". Cuddly and hug-able, the tw*ns follow me around all day chattering about anything and everything. The conversation doesn't delve very deep... the vocabulary is limited, the ability to express their thoughts confined to 3 and 4 word sentences.
"I go walk, Mommy?"
"Which way?"
"Why?"
"This woad?"
"Why, Mommy?"
"I see boggy 'morrow? Dead boggy?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Why, Mommy?"
"Mommy! Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!"
"Wait for me!"
You get the drift...
Yes, we saw dead "boggy" today at the girl's biology class. The poor frogs were being carved for dissection and not my choice of learning material for their age, but somehow the big girls weren't thinking when they announced the plan for biology lab. For a whole day I heard about the dead "boggy" and how they were going to see it and the disappointment would have been too bitter had they been forced to stay out. Duly impressed, the kiddos could not tear themselves away, but I wanted to show them something else and Little Girl put up such a fuss she found herself in the car before she even knew what had happened.
I see that Little Guy has ways to entertain himself but Little Girl does not. He can play with hotwheels or puzzles, etc... but she rarely finds something to entertain herself. She is quite happy to put on her apron and "help" or play if someone will play with her. I'm finding that she has been allowed to be mentally and intellectually lazy. She is capable of learning things that excite her, but she hasn't developed very many interests.
I'm teaching the kids to dress themselves, and to put on their own shoes. Our nature walks have turned into major adventures as I have seen the need to push them to try new things and overcome their fears. They are walking in the dry irrigation ditch, ducking under bridges, climbing banks, jumping over logs, crawling over boulders, running down steep hills and finding out they don't have to be carried, held and coddled the whole time. Whining is not rewarded, but new achievements are praised and cheered. I'm right there the whole time, talking and walking them through it. They are finding they LOVE it.
Potty training starts Sunday - provided they don't get sick before then. (It's still going around. Vanessa is sick today.) I'm preparing myself big time. I bought treats, even. We're still working on getting them into the doctor. Missy sneezed rice and apple out her nose after supper all over the couch. There's got a be a hole somewhere in that cleff palate - you think?
"Parents should reflect and pray earnestly to God for wisdom and divine aid to properly train their children, that they may develop characters that God will approve. . . Much prayer and study are needed for heavenly wisdom to know how to deal with young minds, for very much is depending upon the direction parents give to the minds and wills of their children." Child Guidance pg 189
2 comments:
hang in the the honeymoon can be long and varied. As for the potty training remember that this is not going to be the same as it was with your girls, don't give up cause it will happen eventually.
You are amazing. I can so relate to so much of what you are going through. Keep pushing them and pulling them into new experiences and keep enlisting the help of your other three. It will continue to be a challenge, I do have to say, mine, at least, have grown a little weary of the extra time and attention that the three little ones demand of me. But when I ask them if they wish we had not adopted mostly they say no, they are glad we did. Sometimes they do share that they do sometimes wish we had not, but that when they really stop to think about what might have happened to the three little ones had we not been able to keep them together...
There have been LOTS of questions from the middle of the three little ones about the birth mom and various dad's lately. It's been interesting to see the little wheels turning. The older one struggles so much with his fetal Alcohol issues, it has never occurred to him to ask, I think, but #2 is smart as a whip and does not miss much and always has some quippy little comment to make. What a joy. #3 is STILL adjusting to our family. She wasn't SOOOOOOOOOO badly to be in control and has landed in a family where that is NOT going to happen, so it is taking a VERY long time for her to 'settle'. It's painful to watch. I hear her say to herself "oh, yeah, I'm not the boss" but it just doesn't seem to sink IN to her brain. Five foster homes and NEEDING to take care of herself quite a bit before age 2 has not helped her to learn to relax and trust either. Anyway, thanks for being so candid and sharing so much. It heartens me to read and remember those early days. I can't imagine going through it with two at the same time. I'm glad ours came to us one at a time.
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