The wedding was lovely. The bride and groom have personality! It came through in a big way. My girls did a great job of the music despite the weather. The instruments held their tune pretty much.
Little Miss Muffet did not get to go to the wedding. Yesterday she and her brother were naughty and so I stayed home with them from church and potluck and all the fun stuff. It was me and the twins all day long because it was a big weekend of meetings and fellowship. I was quite firm with them and let them know that if this particular naughty behavior happened again they would also miss the wedding - which was a big deal especially to Little Missy. However, she's been testing me hard for several days and she has been really, really looking for an opportunity to get away with something (anything at all) and then thumb it in my face. Well, she promised to be obedient, but she just has to be in control. She did the very thing I said not to. I was stunned. I asked her what the consequence was and she told me, but she was hoping for mercy. Sorry! This was blatant. I got a babysitter. This threw her into a rage that took both Steve and I to contain. After that she was fine, though she was sad about missing the wedding.
Buster on the other hand was an angel.... or so I thought. Upon arriving home he had great pleasure in telling me that he had peed his pants before ever he left for the wedding and that he did it on purpose just because. . . .
Whatever trust I may have had in these two is gone. GONE. I'm devastated.
They don't even care.
5 comments:
Dear Angie, Sorry about this bad experience!! But these little ones will grow up to honor and love the Lord and will bless you! Just cling to that. May the Lord heal your hurt and give you courage again to continue with your heart in it. Love, Antionette
I understand that so much. It feels so bad to not trust your children 'cause you know they are just looking for an opportunity to disobey. I have to remind myself often (expecially when dealing with my 12 year old's behavior) that God knows that I will mess up again tomorrow and gives me my daily provisions. Sometimes I have to tell my daughter outloud that God's grace to me is all I have to extend to her because my own grace to her has been spent. LOL! Rest on the promise that if we "...train them up...."
Peace
take a deep breath and keep on keeping on. Thye are just testing and I know said "just" but it is what they are doing. Everyone else has failed them in there lives and there is no reason for you not to so they will keep trying and then one day it will click that you mean what you say.
I suspect that in the days nearing the final adoption, they are going to regress a lot. What must it feel like to them to have a sense of permanency this long? What kinds of feelings and emotions are going through them when they are used to the "next" thing, or the "next" family. Testing and getting away with things are all they have ever known. I feel like the closer they feel to you and your love, the more they will try to retreat into old behaviors. Keep pressing through! Don't grow weary, because at he proper time you will reap a harvest if you will not give up! The harvest is ripe for the plucking. Trust in Him!
Oh how I feel your pain. It stabs you in the heart and causes you to question EVERYTHING. I can't understand it. I know you will keep on keeping on and the hardest part is you WILL trust them again and they will break the trust again and you will have to start all over. We have been at this cycle for 2 years and I have had people tell me it takes much longer. I really don't mean to discourage you, really. I say all this to say, you can do this and you are not alone in this crazy "journey of the lies". I have even considered renaming my blog as such. LOL
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