Power In the Word

I admit I am tired. Deep down in the middle of my bones I am exhausted. Nine weeks of this concentrated potty training and character rebuilding has taken a toll. My personality is tenacious. I cannot allow defiance, blatant disobedience, or other unGodly trait go unchecked - ever. period. Five or six years of neglect, fear, anger and defiance is a lot to work towards undoing all at once. It's easy to lose sight of the big picture when you are buried so deep in the mire.

I admit I don't always handle it right. In fact this is the greater source of my discouragement than all the shenanigans those two can can come up with. When I begin to think I cannot do this it's because I have failed again and I am shocked and disgusted at my own character and heart. The very traits I labored and prayed over in my three girls with tears in their training years I am seeing in my own character. They are more patient then I. They can totally be trusted to do the right thing with the twins  - every time. This has been a family endeavor and a family learning experience  - and how!!!!!

I admit I am weak, and because I am I grasp hold of God's promises and plead with God to fulfill them in me. He has won the victory for me already - so why must I fail?  Somewhere along the way I have allowed self to grow roots deep and strong. Just finding the roots is painful - never mind digging them up. These children may be the means of saving my soul. . . and not mine only, Steve continually speaks of how they have revealed to him things he didn't know about himself.

Buster has given me a run for my money in the last couple of days. He's testing me with a lot of defiance.... interestingly enough, most of it has not had much to do with the potty training. He's trying me in every other way and I cannot not trust his word. For today I claim this:

The issue of the battle does not rest upon the strength of mortal man.
"The Lord shall go forth as a mighty man,
He shall stir up . . . like a man of war:
He shall cry, yea, roar;
He shall prevail against His enemies."
Isaiah 42:13
In the power of Him who rides forth conquering and to conquer, weak finite man may gain victory.
MS 151, 1899

This morning on my knees, with tears,  in the bathroom doorway with kiddo's little hands in mine I entreated the Lord on the behalf of both of us and I would not give up until victory was there. I told Him HE had promised and I was holding Him to it. The child was defiant about nothing. Frustration was welling up in me. The bagel I had just eaten was making it's way up into my throat and I needed grace RIGHT NOW!

He came through. Bless the Lord, O my soul and all that is within me, bless His holy name.

Fifteen minutes later I was in a new battle with the other twin....

We can never think we've arrived. We can never lay down our guard. We can never think the victory in the last battle with self will carry over... we must take fresh stock in the Power of the Word.