Friday, January 11, 2013

Over the Precipice { and Back }

I could not believe it yesterday. Such a sweet, adorable child... so willing, so happy, so loving! And I let her know just how much I appreciated and enjoyed her.

And then she asked me for the new clothes I had forgotten about.

I happily consented. I told her she had earned them. They were school clothes I had picked up for her on Monday, but when she had given Vanessa such a hard time that very evening I just put the bag on the dresser and never told her about them. I figured she didn't need to be rewarded for her behavior. Out of sight, out of mind for me.... but she found them a few days later and I told her I had bought them for her on Monday but couldn't give them to her when she was so out of control and she would have to wait until I had seen some improvement in her respect to others before I was willing to share them with her.

She got the clothes and she was very excited to lay them out for school last night. Sigh...! This morning such a different child got up and put those clothes on. There was nothing left to work for,  I guess. The unbelievable change was night and day.

So challenging to accept when I know it does NOT have to be this way.

I tried everything in the book to work with her. Finally I took the clothes back and folded them and put them away. I found her another outfit and literally dressed her because she wasn't cooperating in anything. It went from there... James left to catch the bus and she was refusing to eat, etc.... then the tantrum started because the bus left without her.


It is so amazing how much and how far a child can regress in seconds.

She carried on much like a two year old would (only longer, harder). There was no reasoning left. Her speech was the next to go - she was completely back to her old pronunciations, and weird speech patterns. She "could not" so much as repeat a phrase without changing the structure back to her old way of leaving out most words and was mostly unintelligible.


I did everything I knew.

We eventually wore out the tantrum but defiance would not leave.

We ended up nose to nose - both refusing to budge. I told her she wouldn't win and I wouldn't lose on this one. Too much was at stake. I do a lot to avoid getting to this point with her. REALLY HONESTLY... It is not wise for things to come to this, and I pray it never happens again, but there we were and I COULD NOT LOSE this battle.

And suddenly she gave in. Her face softened and she was willing to work with me. It was over, but it was too late for school. She vacuumed and washed floors, and folded laundry, and went walking the rest of the day. This evening she participated with the family just fine.

We have a behavior management program being offered to us for free. It's designed for Developmentally Delayed kids. Someone will come out to our house and work with us to find ways to handle her and ways for her to handle herself. I have no expectations. It's free. It's offered. I have to take advantage of whatever is available. Should things get worse (which I don't expect, but can't predict) I need to have at least be fully informed and aware of what is available to her. Who knows, maybe we will both learn something. I have to do everything possible to make life better for her. Tantrums take their toll on her (and the rest of us) - especially these long ones.

We're back to really tight reins, which will be cause for frequent outbursts. She knows cause and effect. She knows she's been out of control. She understands that she needs outside boundaries as she obviously doesn't have any of her own right now, but she's not happy about it.

My child, I pray for your heart. I know you can be happy and I know you can do so well. Choices are everything. His grace is sufficient... YOU can make the right ones.


Sharon said...

I feel your pain. It is such an up and down progress pattern with these kids. Good days that shock you and then AWFUL days that you just want to forget. Keep on keeping on - - His grace is sufficient, for BOTH of you! I >> KNOW << it's HARD. But, really, what other choice do we have, but to keep calling on Him when we (or our children) fail? As our speaker said today, we can either choose Christ, or be a servant of the Devil, there is no third choice. He called you to this, He will provide you with what you need to get through. Keep calling on Him - you will receive what you need. (And believe me, I am preaching to myself here, at LEAST as much as I'm reaching out to you)

FosterCareQandA said...

It's so hard to feel bad for ourselves for what these children put us through, and at the same time feel even worse for them, because we know that deep inside they must be feeling something awful. Sigh.

angela ford said...

Thank you. I know it's true. He got us this far. He'll carry us through. We didn't sign up for an easy life... we signed up to be useful and sometimes it's painful, but should be worth it all in end.

Mama Ds Dozen said...

Oh the memories your posts bring back. I have walked that walk. Sadly, as our daughter got older (thus bigger and stronger) her rages became more intense, and her threats to the family became more than we could live with.

She is in a good place, now, and we hope and pray that the Lord will bring healing so that she can return home.

I think of you often throughout the days. You are a wonderful Mama, doing all that you know to do. Praying that God gives you the grace and strength to continue on this difficult journey.