Monday, January 14, 2013

Are You Trying to Hurt Me?

It's a question I've asked of the twins lately.

The answer is always, "YES".

When I ask why they have no answer.

It most definitely feels like they are trying desperately to hurt me in as many ways as possible without actually physically touching me. It's like they would punish me for their bad choices. When I put it to them in black and white they agree that it's what they are doing, but it's almost like they hadn't really thought it through to that point themselves. In black and white they become ashamed and back off.

I'm not sure of the right way to deal with it.

It certainly is a bad place for me to be - thinking they are out to hurt me.

Missy is off to school calmly this morning.

James is full of it today and missed the bus. Now I have to walk him to school. Five minutes ago he agreed he was trying to hurt me. The logic is so skewed. As far as I can see he's hurting himself a lot more than he could ever hurt me by stunting his progress and harboring anger in his heart. This is sad for me... the shenanigans only frustrate growth.

When we are dealing with issues the communication skills are the first to be affected making it next to impossible to have a decent conversation about what is happening inside their little heads. They intentionally make it impossible to understand what they do say and what they say goes round and round in a nowhere direction.

I'm going to walk James to school today and then I am going to stick around a bit and see how he relates to the teachers. I know that he was not cooperative in Sabbath School at church this past Sabbath. It's the passive aggressive stance we often see at home.

3 comments:

Emily said...

I think it's a fine way to deal with it. If they don't have the reasoning skills to identify why they do what they do, then you talking about it with them might be just what they need, especially if they back off. When it is in such black and white terms, they can't rationalize it.

FosterCareQandA said...

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that it's like they are trying to hurt themselves. I think that's exactly what they're trying to do. And the best, most effective way to hurt themselves is to hurt their relationship with the person who most wants them to succeed in life. They have a long road, these little ones!

Mama Ds Dozen said...

I know that when our Little Miss isn't happy (which is 99% of the time), than she certainly doesn't want anyone else to be happy. So, she does all she can to sabbotoge the happiness of the rest of the family.