Friday, January 18, 2013

Behavioral Modifications Professional

One of those guys came out to our house yesterday. He had not been clued in much yet, so the bulk of our hour was spent building a timeline and a picture of what we are dealing with.

I also put out scenarios of real life in our house.Thanks to blogging, I can actually remember detailed stories.

He had some good thoughts. Some new ideas.

Apparently he has had a lot of years of experience in mental health care.

He really wanted to know exactly what the diagnosis is and I couldn't tell him. No has ever given me that because no one has ever really wanted to look that far. As you may recall, last summer we had four days of testing for each scheduled at Children's Hospital and the Psychiatrist decided he didn't want to do it. His exact words, "They are mentally retarded, what more do you want to know?" and he cancelled all our appointments.

Since that time I've been asked specific questions that those days of testing would have answered and when I share with the health professionals the answer I got, it makes them roll their eyes in the back of their head. Yesterday was no different.

The guy went on to explain that there are many, many different things that could be going on here and it would be so helpful to know what we are working with. According to him, developmental delays is not synonymous with mental retardation. Of course, I knew that - but it has felt like people have wanted me to believe that it is the case with the twins... and honestly I'm not convinced that James fits that category. I don't know what to think about Missy right now. Some days  there is way more going on than I can understand. Other days she's just got this manipulation thing tuned to a fine art!!! And some days she shocks the socks off everybody with what she knows. This whole going from NOT ever wanting to read and struggling over each and every word to happily reading 2 to 3 books fairly easily every evening this week is a prime example of her surprising us with her abilities. The kid covers every insecurity with proving she can't. Then one day she can and we are left stunned.

It's my job to journal all the details of Missy's behaviors this week. I'm pretty sure I can do that. :- )... but I won't bore you with the particulars. This morning was interesting. Sick in bed, I listened to Missy wander around the house doing everything except what she knew she should be doing. James on the other hand was going about getting each chore done and out of the way systematically. I heard Steve come in from the outside and ask Missy what she was doing. I got up quickly then, and we had a conference between the two of us parents and we agreed not to tell her what to do and to just watch and see. VERY interesting. It was brilliantly clear what game she was playing... For the record she
made the bus even though she panicked at the end and nearly lost her cool - , and she also asked for the reward James got for plugging along responsibly. She also thanked me for that which she had a tantrum about yesterday. Mind games, mind games. Oh child!! lol. Someday she'll shock us all and quit those, too.


Mama Ds Dozen said...

""They are mentally retarded, what more do you want to know?""

Seriously?!?! Somehow I missed that story. I am appalled!!! Guess I'm glad that I couldn't get our Little Miss into the psychiatrists at Children's last summer when I tried. Yikes!

I have met your kids. I would so NOT call them "mentally retarded". I saw nothing of that. "Delayed", definitely. "Retarded" ummm . . . NO.

With the games the our Little Misses can play, it is sometimes VERY difficult to determine what they are actually capable of.

Last winter, we decided to put our Little Miss in private school, after homeschooling her for 4 years. The day before she went to school, she "didn't know how" to multiply. Not at all. She could not possibly tell me what 4 X 4 was. A week later . . . she was multiplying 3 digit numbers. Seriously?!?! I knew she had been "playing games" with me, but this was absolutely ridiculous. She had been playing dumb, but actually learning everything I taught her and taught and taught her (the same things over and over and over . . . just to frustrate mom).

So glad that you got some good ideas from this new specialist. Look forward to hearing what you try.

Laurel :)

Sharon said...

what we got was "His IQ is too low for him to be autistic" - go figure. So we took him to a different clinic, paid out of pocket, and got an actual diagnosis - Makes me want to go back to that other clinic and CHARGE that doctor (or the Autism specialist that was very dismissive of me, at his school, out in Washington, before we moved) the $3000 that it took to get on paper what we knew already. High functioning, but on the Autism spectrum.

Frustrating when professionals are so unprofessional!!! Specially when the kids are the ones that don't get the help they need because of it!