Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Missy Update

I fully expected Missy to fall apart when our guests left. Big changes often create big emotions that can get out of control really fast. I just knew that after weeks of company and Christmas she was going to jump over a cliff when it was over. Well, we stood around waiting and watching for a couple days and nothing seemed out of sync. Much to our surprise ~ which can only mean we're moving forward. God's grace is changing her life. Increment, by increment!

By the end of the day at around 7 PM on Monday she blew up over brushing her teeth. This kind of thing happens, so I can't really say that it was out of the ordinary. I had just left the house to help at the English Language School. She was under Vanessa's care. I guess it was BIG and SCARY and it lasted over an hour. Vanessa stayed firm. She totally expected the kiddo to brush her teeth whether or not she wanted to. Vanessa never called me though she could have. I was only three miles away, but since she is wanting the home care-giver's job (more on that later) she must have thought she needed to ride the wave and know for herself that she could handle the child when I'm not available.

Missy's pretty much been okay since. Now she's the one waiting around for the other shoe to drop. She knows the tantrum was uncalled for.  I think she is expecting a consequence of some sort and so she's trying to be extra sweet...  Like extra hugs and kindness . . WHICH helps me see she is understanding cause and effect. I'm always trying to discern how much of her is lack of understanding and how much of her is so much smoke to "protect" herself. It seems that she still has huge trust issues and she refuses to progress in some areas as a way of staying in control. I don't know for sure. That's a guess. I did ask her why she is choosing to be sweet. Her communication skill is frustratingly inadequate. It seems my assumption is correct, but it's hard to know.

This morning Missy put clean sheets on James' bed for him. She also "washed" the dishes.  SO GOOD!! She so needs to think outside of herself in this way.

 James could hula hoop yesterday. Today he can't remember how.

I started my fostercare class. It's okay. Nothing fabulous.

There's a house on the end of our road that will be up for rent soon. We talked to the owners a few times now... they said they would be calling us when they are done with rewiring and plumbing updates. It should be ready next week. I only hope the rent is reasonable. The place is perfect for the babies' family. Their current housing is totally inadequate. The babies come over for a few hours today. Their mom does a lot of volunteering at the school - enough for the both of us :-) It's an opportunity for her to get out of the house, but also it's a chance to do something for her older kids.

The extra help from the home-care workers is not going super well. They are LATE every time. That's okay if I am home. Not okay if the kids get off the bus and no one is here for another 20 minutes. I can't be sure they'll be here.  They are also not expecting much from the twins and are happy to send them outside and watch them from the window. I am now making lists of what I expect and the bare minimum gets done. I guess I have pretty high expectations. Vanessa talked to them about what it took for them to get the job... She filled out the application already. She could get paid to do what she does for me anyway... and she would do a really good job of it and I could trust her. She wouldn't need to work at the college anymore.

3 comments:

Mama Ds Dozen said...

So sad that the home health workers aren't doing all they could/should. And, to be late for work every day is unacceptable.

Hope it works out for Vanessa to get the job. I have a friend who's older son is paid (by the state) to do home health care for the younger siblings.

Hope your day is BLESSED!

Laurel

FosterCareQandA said...

You said you tried asking Missy why she was being sweet. Have you tried telling her outright why you think she's being so sweet? I find with one of my girls that she can't always figure out for herself why she does the thing she does, but when I very firmly but kindly point out why I think she's doing it, she usually ponders that and then will often later come back to me and be better able to express what's really going on. Just a thought, if you haven't already tried it.

angela ford said...

I have sometimes.... but this time I didn't want to color her answer if I could help it. It's so hard. This kid will tell me what she thinks I want to hear if she can come up with the words. I've been handing out the compliments left and right even though I kind of think her motives are not really great.