Thursday, March 22, 2012

Some Things I Need to Know

I need to know where the  intellectual disability ends

and the naughtiness begins....

I need to know where the trust issues start....

and where mental illness takes over.

9 comments:

Mama in Uganda said...

I believe that no matter what there should never be an excuse for sin!

"even a child is known by his ways."

Summer

Sophie said...

me too

C Dawn's bucket said...

it's all so hard. praying

Cynthia

Me and Jesus said...

Good luck with that... If you figure it out. Let me know. :)
I signed my kids up for some counseling. I figure a professional w/ lots of experience w/traumatized adopted kids would be able to better give me that answer and also assure me that I'm not crazy. :)

Jennifer P said...

I have a blog post rolling around in my head about this same thing. Made an appt with the psychologist yesterday to try to get some answers. The hard part is that every day is a different story. It's hard for us (meaning us mamas) to keep our finger on the situation with these trauma kids.

Jenny said...

I agree! Praying for you!

Mama D’s Dozen said...

Oh. So. True.

Love Summer's answer (above) that "there should never be an excuse for sin".

La Tea Dah said...

"Some things I need to know" is a journey that will probably last the rest of your life. It will get easier with time, and probably your patience will be refined before the ability to discern is fully achieved.

I agree that "sin" is "sin", but my experience with children with special needs (teaching teen-agers) is that their ability to comprehend and apply is different than an individual of normal abilities. They fall down much more often, then become contrite, ask forgiveness, and try again --- and the circle goes around.

As a parent/teacher, having a gentle, quiet spirit is the best coping method. And His strength for the day, as promised.

Anonymous said...

There doesn't need to be an excuse for sin but there does need to be plenty of room for love and grace. I think that when you are dealing with a wounded child, you need to deal with them much like a toddler. When a child is learning to walk, do you get angry when they fall down? I have so much I want to say about this but I'm feeling pretty protective of my story.

Let me say this, I've had some issues that I've dealt with my entire adult life. It is an absolute visceral reaction that I have no control over. Once that switch is flipped, I have to work extremely hard at reeling myself back in and I'm an adult with "above average intelligence." My emotional IQ? I shudder to think. I have spent a lot of my adult life trying to modify my responses and frustrated with myself that I was failing. You see, I have PTSD, so my body responds to things and that? I have no control over my synapses and physical responses. Unfortunately, the physical response manifests in my reactions.

Let me give a specific example. Crowds. Crowds are a trigger for me every time. If I end up surrounded by people, my fight or flight kicks in. My breathing rate, heart rate, and bp all increase. I'm agitated and I literally have to fight the urge to duck and cover. I KNOW this is ridiculous and I can tell myself repeatedly that I am not in danger. I try to bring myself to the present but my body? It doesn't care. Physical memory is one of the hardest things to overcome. Now, the work for me comes after a trigger like that. I become filled with rage. It is all I can do to not erupt. Sometimes I fail. It is so frustrating to feel that out of control. Today? Today I had to use the restroom at church. I had to walk through a lot of people to get there and then suddenly a group of people came up behind me so I was hemmed in unexpectedly. Pure panic. I fought tears through the rest of the service. Now I am battling a headache. I have been working through some stuff with a counselor. Tuesday we really touched on some emotional things which I generally avoid. It triggered a 4 day migraine. The worst part for me is, a significant trigger sends me into a very dark place with suicidal thoughts until I get to a place of safety again, even if it's just mentally.

I don't know why I am sharing all of this, but I guess it's because I feel so bad for them. I also don't think rules will work. I know you have to have them, that's not what I'm saying. I just think that love will win and sometimes love looks much different than we think it will. I have never felt like I'm good enough. Rules for me make it worse because I am afraid I will never do it right. Even at this age I self sabotage because I'm afraid of failing or not doing it right. My parents were religious. They were about the rules. There wasn't much grace. The rest? I don't remember. The first 12 years of my life don't exist to me. They are lost in a black hole. So, I don't even know why I have the triggers I do. I just wish that I had someone who would have been in my corner wanting to figure it out before I got to this point.