Friday, March 16, 2012

"Please Help Me!"

Psalm 34 is praise to our Maker, 
but it also gives insight and instruction to those in time of need.  
As we've been memorizing the chapter we've talked about it a lot. 

A lot,
a lot!

What do you do when you want to blow up, 
when you want to scream,
when life is overwhelming 
or you just want to cry?

James is working on verse 10 
and so he's had time to digest verse 4
and verse 6 and 7.

"I sought the Lord 
and He heard me
and delivered me from all my fears.

This poor man cried and the Lord heard him,
and saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encampeth round about him 
that fear Him
and DELIVERETH them."

 When in danger of losing control
it boils down to a simple plea;

"Please help me!"

And that's all you have to remember.

and HE will deliver.

Unfortunately, too often,
lack of desire for real help and pride stand in the way
of actually asking with one's heart.

And I get frustrated that the kid who knows it in theory won't
ask when he most needs to.

 He had hoped I wouldn't notice that he skipped a chore. 
He was actually more than sure he had gotten away with it,
 because I had asked him to get in the car 
and buckle up....
but then I remembered to ask....
For whatever reason
he lied outright.
It's his typical response but it never ceases to amaze me how I am still  affected by a lie.
I don't know if I would call it hurt 
as I know they lie and it's not about me... but intense feelings bubble up inside anyway
[ I have this blasted strong sense of justice that is so not helpful sometimes ]
and I feel a huge need to shut the door 
and just walk away into the sunshine and not look back.

Only I can't.

We're going to be late for school, the child needs to be dealt with, 
the chore needs to be followed through,
the disciple - ing  needs to happen right now,
~the lessons brought home.

We're now standing on the porch and he's standing with his hand on the door handle,
his feet shuffling to remove his boots
and he's wailing loudly that he doesn't WANT TO.
I'm standing two feet away looking at him
completely overwhelmed with the feelings of 
wanting to force him
wanting him to "get" the stupidity of it all
wanting to bop him in the nose to stop all the noise

Knowing full well
none of it will help a wit,
so I stand silent.
Wishing that he would ask God for help to change his heart
but understanding that saying anything is totally useless right now.
{ He's been reminded that a full-on tantrum will cost him a dollar,
so he's not crossing over into an out-of-mind experience... }

What to do?

Well, duh!
Do what I wish he would do.
Show him how...

I turn away and face away towards to sunny spring sky...
and out loud I plead:

"Lord, please help me. Show me what to do."

And suddenly I feel I need to turn and ask him to stop saying,
"I don't want to".
And ask him to say, "Yes Mom"
(a few times,  until the tone matched the intent I was looking for)
Then I tell him to stop crying.

And He did.

I was still struggling with feelings.
{This stuff is so hard.}
and I did say he was a liar and that I can't trust him - 
and I would like to say more positive, and helpful things... really!
Though, I think it is okay for him to know that I am incredibly disappointed
he lied to me, I just need a better choice of wording.
And he was still upset over being caught,
but he smiled when I called him a liar (a deflecting tactic) - rather than screamed.
The worst of the episode had passed...

 He is all so sufficient to deliver from all our fears,
to save us out of all our troubles,
to deliver us from ourselves.

Lord, Please Help Me
to call on You.


Mama in Uganda said...

This is such a beautifully honest post. Once again, I could have written this but you did such a better job than I ever could :)

Thank you for sharing.

Blessings and wisdom,

momof4boys said...

Oh, I could feel the frustration and anger! I've been in that place so many times. I don't do well to be lied at. God have mercy on me when people lie. I get upset too. You did well! The smile when called a liar would get me too. I've got a long way to go too.