"Please Help Me!"

Psalm 34 is praise to our Maker, 

but it also gives insight and instruction to those in time of need.  

As we've been memorizing the chapter we've talked about it a lot. 

A lot,

a lot!

What do you do when you want to blow up, 

when you want to scream,

when life is overwhelming 

or you just want to cry?

James is working on verse 10 

and so he's had time to digest verse 4

and verse 6 and 7.

"I sought the Lord 

and He heard me

and delivered me from all my fears.

This poor man cried and the Lord heard him,

and saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the Lord encampeth round about him 

that fear Him

and DELIVERETH them."

 When in danger of losing control

it boils down to a simple plea;

"Please help me!"

And that's all you have to remember.

ASK

and HE will deliver.

Unfortunately, too often,

lack of desire for real help and pride stand in the way

of actually asking with one's heart.

And I get frustrated that the kid who knows it in theory won't

ask when he most needs to.

 He had hoped I wouldn't notice that he skipped a chore. 

He was actually more than sure he had gotten away with it,
 because I had asked him to get in the car 

and buckle up....

but then I remembered to ask....

For whatever reason

he lied outright.

It's his typical response but it never ceases to amaze me how I am still  affected by a lie.

I don't know if I would call it hurt 

as I know they lie and it's not about me... but intense feelings bubble up inside anyway
[ I have this blasted strong sense of justice that is so not helpful sometimes ]

and I feel a huge need to shut the door 

and just walk away into the sunshine and not look back.

Only I can't.

We're going to be late for school, the child needs to be dealt with, 

the chore needs to be followed through,

the disciple - ing  needs to happen right now,

~the lessons brought home.

We're now standing on the porch and he's standing with his hand on the door handle,

his feet shuffling to remove his boots

and he's wailing loudly that he doesn't WANT TO.

I'm standing two feet away looking at him

completely overwhelmed with the feelings of 

frustration

wanting to force him

wanting him to "get" the stupidity of it all

wanting to bop him in the nose to stop all the noise

Knowing full well

none of it will help a wit,

so I stand silent.

Wishing that he would ask God for help to change his heart

but understanding that saying anything is totally useless right now.

{ He's been reminded that a full-on tantrum will cost him a dollar,

so he's not crossing over into an out-of-mind experience... }

What to do?

Well, duh!

Do what I wish he would do.

Show him how...

I turn away and face away towards to sunny spring sky...

and out loud I plead:

"Lord, please help me. Show me what to do."

And suddenly I feel I need to turn and ask him to stop saying,
"I don't want to".

And ask him to say, "Yes Mom"

(a few times,  until the tone matched the intent I was looking for)

Then I tell him to stop crying.

And He did.

I was still struggling with feelings.
{This stuff is so hard.}

and I did say he was a liar and that I can't trust him - 

and I would like to say more positive, and helpful things... really!

Though, I think it is okay for him to know that I am incredibly disappointed

he lied to me, I just need a better choice of wording.

And he was still upset over being caught,

but he smiled when I called him a liar (a deflecting tactic) - rather than screamed.

The worst of the episode had passed...

 He is all so sufficient to deliver from all our fears,

to save us out of all our troubles,

to deliver us from ourselves.

Lord, Please Help Me

to call on You.