Another family in bloggy land is in the process of adopting twins and theirs moved in about 6 weeks after ours moved in. The mom and I can kind of relate to the journey we are each on except that hers came potty trained, however, they are 2 years older and probably have that much more baggage to work through. At any rate, we both have our hard days.
I was reading her blog this morning and she was echoing my thoughts on the topic of grace and mercy and if we are showing enough. When you think of all that the Lord God extends towards us and then you think of me and my hard-lined approach to obedience it's enough to make a person question if I am too strict! I have thought about it a lot and prayed about it and I have come to some conclusions, but I am open to discussion and wondering if there is anybody out there with a different view or two bits to add. In a sense I feel I have one chance with these two children and they can't afford for me to mess that up. The consequences are eternal.
My comment on this gal's blog went like this:
I've had the same thoughts but in the end it boils down to the fact that they will only come up to the standard you set. Consistency, consistency, consistency is where it's at and while we are in these hard, hard early days we will question ourselves, but we have to keep the standard. In some ways I think I might be making it harder on myself than the next person would because I won't let the kiddos get away with anything, but later the job should be easier since they will know exactly where I stand and hopefully have learned to respect that. Yes, God is wonderfully gracious and merciful, but He has a standard that we must rise up to and He always forgives and then we must ask for His strength to reach that standard. He is showing the twins grace and mercy in giving them a whole new chance and he forgives their childishness and foolishness, but we are to help them reach for His strength and power to make the necessary changes in their lives and to break the bonds of the heritage their parents bequeathed them . . . and you and I know the changes are necessary if they are to live productive, useful lives in this society (and in the next, I might add.)
I know I have a lot of readers who are not on the same adoption/foster care path and are probably afraid to comment lest they seem like they are handing out advice without walking in the moccasins, but in a sense this discussion pertains to raising biological children as well..... so join the fray!
7 comments:
I completely agree with you on this.
I too struggle with this very thing with all my children but especially Nate and Beth. This has really come into play since the incident and I am having to keep them separated. I feel guilty but then I have to remind myself that this is eternal changes we are trying to make in their hearts and minds. It is our responsibility, as their parents, to correct them and guide them in the way of the Lord. The bible does not change and what God expects of His children does not change from day to day and therefore we must set that consistent example of discipline for our children.
As for grace and mercy, we are extending grace and mercy every time we forgive them for not doing what we ask. We don't have to compromise the standard to extend grace and mercy. But we must forgive them over and over and over and never give up on them. That is exactly what you and Jenny are doing and God is pleased with your efforts and love for these children.
You are a great mom.
As an "old" mom, my baby being 18 now, I feel like I could have extended a lot more grace and mercy and a lot less "toe the line" parenting. But you are in a special spot and God will let you know if you need to change anything. I'm just in awe of your parenting!
The mercy and grace is extended to your children every morning when you wake up, still loving them and expecting the day will be a good one. The only way you can do this day after day is by God's grace and mercy, which pass on to them.
Hmm this post really got me thinking that I am the same way and always have been with my bio, adopted and former foster kids. I truly believe that I am doing them a disservice if I don't set high expectations. Yes sometimes they don't meet them the first (or 100th) time but they know what's expected without a doubt and know that I believe they can achieve it!
We are now waiting for the BIS for twin boys and their little sister...I may be in your shoes very soon!
I am in awe of your consistency and wish I had the stamina and energy to rise to your level. I was raised by strict parents, and although I didn't always like it then, I know it was good for me and that they loved me. I have two younger sisters that weren't held to the same standard, as my parents started giving in more. Today I believe I am the lucky one for this reason. As long as your parenting is rooted in love and faith, being strict is not a bad thing. I applaud you! Keep up the good work!
Our bar is high, people tell me I am to to strict, that I should loosen up because they "good kids", they are right, they are good kids, they are good kids because I expect no less from them than there very best at all times. This is what I was hoping to blog about today, I need to right it first though.
Hey Ange, if you are as loving as you are strict, you will win the battle. The problem arises when we are only strict, or only loving (as in permissive.) Children know when they are loved. And even when they don't like the disciple, they know it is best for them, but because they have a carnal nature that clamors to be indulged, the battle they fight is really with themselves. If you didn't care enough to disciple them. They would know that they are not loved. Dad
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