Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Revisiting Passive Aggressive

As I've been saying,

My twins have been exceptional lately.

There's little major screaming and crying and in-your-face behaviors. I am grateful. They are learning. They learn slowly, but they learn. There's hope yet.

BUT we are having to be that much more on our guard because, while they seem to have more self control in the way they are not exploding at any given moment, they are very much seeking control "underground". It's not okay or safe, or healthy for them to get away with it.... Therefore we have to be absolutely on guard 100% of the time.

Sadly, Pieter is proving to have similar passive aggressive tactics to the twins. He's quite good... but I'm well trained. Our twins have taught us so much!! He is only 3.5 so it's fairly easy to keep abreast of him. I want to be gentle and nurturing and everything he needs.... but he's finding me a bit firm for his liking and he's not too pleased that I am on to his game. Even the girls have his number... Poor kid. He's testing  now that the honeymoon is over.... or maybe that wasn't a honeymoon, maybe that was just him being unsure and scared.

So tonight, I had three kids trying to do a snow job on me.  I'm good at sniffing it out, but when we are doing homework I do like to give them a chance... because there is a real possibility they really don't know how to do it.  I dread being hasty and making them feel stupid when they honestly don't know. Two were "doing" homework and one was having food/ potty issues. Funny how that all boils down to the same exact heart issue. When I had as much evidence as I needed to know this was going nowhere fast, I took the twins over to the laminated Passive Aggressive Chart and read it off to them. It's akin to reading the Riot Act. LOL. The howling that ensues!!! It's like pulling the cover off the big secret and exposing their crimes. I read each line that applied and explained how I see them acting it out. I then read out loud how I am to respond. I then set the timer and let them know that they have so much time to amend their ways or they will go to bed when the timer rings. Missy tried one more time to fool me. She was to write "99" on her page. She wrote 901. I smiled and said, "Nice try! But I know that you know it."  And she wrote "99" and I swallowed my irritation and blessed her for CHOOSING to be honest. And then she spontaneously apologized ( very difficult for her) . She fixed one other little thing and she was done. A whole hour and half of acting for all of that. :-)

James never could get himself to write the answer to his times table. He counted the answer out ten times but would NOT write it. He was sent to bed. When I checked on him he was chewing his pj shirt so he lost it for the night.

The little guy finally used the toilet and ate some food, but not without trying about three or four more tricks.

The babe screamed and howled till I put him to bed and then he screamed and howled in bed.  Everybody is asleep and the rest of the family has arrived home... so, I'm off the computer.

I know a little bit about hair cutting but not a lot. I cut Steve's hair regularly. Girls hair is another story.... I took her ponytail and cut it off, trimmed up her bangs a bit, evened out the front and TaDa!! Hmmm... Surprised myself.


Oldqueen44 said...

We once had a "writing 99" episode with Big Sis. It took her about an hour but she finally just decided to give in and write it. Maybe 99 is a special "button pushing" number.

Missy got a cute hair cut.

Felicia said...

Looks like I need to get your chart! Dealing with control issues here as well.

Love the haircut.

Felicia said...

Oh, and I love the pictures in the box.