Friday, May 2, 2014

Heart Broken Rant

My last post is pretty much devoid of feeling and emotion, it was just a brief outline of the events of our crazy life for the past week, but it really doesn't portray the heart of it or how we've been affected down deep.  How does one even put it into words?

The fallout of continually dealing with deceit and lying, attention seeking, manipulation, substance abuse, and unkindness is not pretty. We are surrounded by this. I can spot it in a child a thousand miles away and I have no time for it at all or patience. I straight up tell them what I see and tell them what I think of it, which backfires a lot of times in RAD kids. ie... "you just told me a lie and lying is not acceptable, so you need to sit right here in time out!" So, the child sits in time out and  poops his pants. Argh! In an adult it's much more complicated. I am not comfortable pointing out a lie and I don't necessarily recognize it immediately, but I am getting wiser and more cautious. We have had to set boundaries that say, "this far and no farther." But some of the lines are blurred even to me, because what if there is something one could do to change the heart of the situation?

Someone said to me recently that it is wise not to invest in someone more than they themselves are willing to invest in themselves.  True for adults. It just doesn't work for the kids, of course.

Our saga is not over (we have three sagas going on at once and I am sure I'm confusing you all, but some things should not be written). I just received a call from some concerned person, even as I am typing here, that things are NOT right with the parent even though all appears to be under control. The likelihood of it being A-OK is next to nil and the children are bearing the brunt of the destruction which is intolerable but how does one go about rescuing the situation? The oldest kiddo is suffering all the way down to the youngest and that baby might as well be mine for the bond that is between us is pretty tight. I'm broken hearted for all of these people, - children and adults, even if I'm short with some of them for frustration and helplessness to turn the tide. There is only One who can save. I remind myself that He has to be way more grieved than I am in the choices that throw the innocent and not so innocent into deeper and deeper pain.


Ruth Ann said...

((Hugs)) I had a teen living with me for a while. The conclusion I have come to is that, an adult must want change more then the person helping wants change, until then nothing will help.

Emily said...

I ache for you. Prayers on your behalf, my friend.

Barbara said...

Now I see. You have a pure heart of love. That is why it hurts so badly.

Glesni Mason said...

I am praying for all of you so much. The pain is deep, but God promises to "work all things together" if we love Him and trust Him. And I know you do. Sometimes we just have to completely hand situations over to God knowing that we did our best, but He has to do the rest. You sowed seeds. And only eternity will tell the full result. Hugs and prayers! I hope you get some recoup time soon.

Oldqueen44 said...

I can only imagine the heartache you feel with Buddy's family. So much time and effort has been spent on loving them. So hard.
Hope the little boys are placed where they can heal a bit more.