Sabotage

Missy dug in deep. There was nothing to do about it . . . We tried to start the day over three times and she just dug in deeper. She didn't want to cooperate and that was that. I left her with the girls and took James school shopping. He needed shoes and the usual classroom supplies.

We were having a great time. We found everything pretty quick and he tried on a total of two pairs of shoes before picking one. Shopping with boys is completely different from shopping with girls. Just in case you didn't know. As we walked by the clothing items we had a discussion about underwear and whether he could manage to wear any at school this year. . . He assured me he was well past the age of wetting his pants. It wouldn't be happening this year. He hasn't had a problem for some months so I affirmed that I believed he was right. (Don't ask me why wearing underwear caused him to wet his pants.) Our next stop was Taco Bell. It was part of the "outing". As he's getting out of the van my eye catches sight of wet running down the front of his shorts and down his leg... WHAT in the WORLD?

As I recognized what was taking place I sat back and put my hand on my forehead. Really?! He started howling. I told him to quick run in and finish in the bathroom and return to me. He went loudly and came back louder.... heads were whipping in our direction everywhere. I didn't move. I just quietly told him that if there was going to be rage and out -of-mind behavior coming up I didn't feel that I could keep him safe there  in town and that I would not hesitate to call for help.... even the police if I had to.

So let me back up.

Last week I took Missy for school shopping. She was quite pleased.  The list of items needed was small and inexpensive, so though I had pretty much decided were going to use paper bags this year because her lunch bag was a gross disaster last year, she found a nice one with a liner that could be taken out to clean and I let her have it. It was so cute. It was a purse with an owl on it. I very, very infrequently buy the extras, but I wanted this outing to be special. We went to TBell  and made it a nice date. Oh, yeah, and she tried on every pair of shoes in her size range... That took awhile and I could not make suggestions or they were automatically culled from the possibilities! I was thankful when she finally chose a sensible pair of runners for school.

When we got home she was told clearly to put the school supplies and new shoes away until school. Later she was found wearing the shoes and playing with the lunch bag. I reminded her that I had asked her to put them away for school, that she was not allowed to dirty them up before school ever started. Later I went back outside and found that she had not obeyed. She was still wearing the shoes and playing with her things. I sent her to put them away. She got defiant. I took them away and gave her a sweeping job at which point she BLEW! It went into a terrific rage and I was called all kinds of hateful things. I tried hard to diffuse the situation. I let her know that this kind of disrespect would have me packing up the lunch bag back to the store if it didn't stop and soon. The rest of the afternoon was a bust. She continued spewing the hate....  So much for fun mother-daughter outings facilitating in drawing us close.

So, back to today.

I just sat and waited out the crying. I told him if things got ugly I would be returning his lunch bag, too but he got himself together and we each prayed for help and then, rather than going with my instincts  (which were VERY STRONG) of making a beeline for home I went ahead and ordered him something from TBell. I was texting my husband like crazy for advice. He wasn't available... I told James I was thankful he didn't blow his top. I thanked him for staying respectful. I told him how disappointed I was in his decision to wet his pants for whatever his reason... and then we went on like nothing had happened. Though, I told him since he wasn't proving he could make good choices today, I would make the TBell selection instead of him. Also, we ate in the car instead of in the restaurant because, naturally,  he was all wet.

It's all so bewildering. Like WHY?! As we were sitting there I was thinking about Missy and how I had made the decision that nothing she did today would faze me. I had spent an hour and half walking and praying alone before facing her this morning. I was so prepared to meet the onslaught, but I was totally blindsided by James. I hadn't reacted inside that I knew of.... but the confusion... the disappointment in trying so hard to do something special for these kids  just backfiring - it's bewildering to say the least.

The overwhelmed tears took over and I just couldn't choke that icky food down.