Monday, November 25, 2013

Know It When You See It

My little children are riddled with anger. There's so much anger in their hearts they ooze it. They can appear happy when all is going exactly as they want it to, but that is a thin veneer that dissipates in a flash when the slightest thing goes against their expectation. Their reactions are instant and devastating. These reactions are experienced a thousand or a million times a day and I know the kids have used passive aggressive behaviors all their life along with overt displays and they didn't come to live here until they were six, but as we have NOT allowed aggressive attacks and open aggressive behavior they have increased the passive stuff. The anger has not melted or gone away.... and so we have seen an increase in passive aggressive behaviors.

If someone ever tells you that providing a safe home and a loving family for a hurt and hopeless waif is enough to heal their hearts, don't believe them.  Until they personally give their pain and sorrow and anger to God and embrace forgiveness and love it will simmer and grow and change forms, but it will be there. These kiddos don't even have the language to express themselves appropriately.... Missy will rant a two word line for hours, "I hate, I hate, I hate...."  She doesn't even know what it is she hates and she directs it at whoever she can hurt most easily. Of course we can't allow them to hurt people  and the passive aggressive stuff grows and grows...

Still, this passive aggressive behavior must be addressed. Though the behavior is deliberate, these kiddos don't always actually know why they are doing the crazy things they do. It must be named. They don't get it. It must be exposed. And they don't know how to stop it. Strong feelings are not always identifiable but they rule the roost, so of course it has to be addressed because it is destructive to themselves.

Addressing the root of their anger? THAT is actual spiritual warfare.

5 comments:

Mama in Uganda said...

You hit the nail on the head. "The fool vents his anger."

Susan Davis said...

I saw a program on TV of a very young child who had been horribly abused by satanists. She'd been removed from the home at about 18 months and placed in a foster family that was much like the one I read in Pearls of Price. The first 18 months, she was terrified of anyone and screamed constantly, repeating desperately,"help me! help me!" all day long. The mother did not know if she could take it. There was no way to stop her and it was driving everyone crazy. Finally, she quit. Then they could make progress. She ultimately became a well-balanced and very pleasant person. At her high school graduation, she gave a speech (I think she was valedictorian) and said, "Don't ever believe there are throw-away children. I was one, and now, through love and persistence, I am not. No one is hopeless.

Julie said...

You might want to listen to this. I don't know what you believe about spiritual warfare so I pray I am not offending you.http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EJbwednT1Og

acceptance with joy said...

Not offended. :-) Thanks

Giulia said...

Let only hope that your children will become the best person they can be.

I hope you will not be offended by my question, but what strategies do you use to address passive-aggressive behavior to your children ?