Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Winter Break

has begun.

The first day passed by pleasantly. The twins are calm and congenial. I don't know why. They worked with me to clean the house this morning. I named them Jack and Jill and we set the timer for 10 minutes at a time to see how much we could get done and to break it up.  Later we went for a good long hike {more than 10 miles) and they were great. They nearly talked my ear off which is more exhausting to me then hiking ten miles. We ditched our coats and enjoyed the warm temperatures in the sun. Eventually the clouds took over the sky and we ended the long tramp in rain, but still it was warm enough. James noted that he didn't freak out about the rain - which is totally unlike him. I noted he was still hyper-vigilant over how many raindrops were falling per square inch per nano second. He can't help it. He's wired for anxiety.

We came across wet sleeping bags and trash belonging to homeless people . . . I took time to explain how homeless people come to be homeless. The kids listened. Later Missy recounted to Vanessa her version of a tale of a homeless person that only included aspects that she could grasp. Her version had him not really doing well in school and having trouble keeping a job because he didn't really feel like putting forth too much effort. We had a good chuckle as it was a rather narrow view. In the end she said it was possible he used alcohol but I don't think she even knows what alcohol is.

There were geese and ducks and marmots and other wildlife enjoying the day out on the river... We saw trees that were chewed by beavers, and earthworms trying to cross the road. For a few seconds I had flashbacks of the nature hunts we used to go on while homeschooling the girls. All visions of replicating past excursions and the science lessons we once enjoyed evaporated when I tried to point out a marmot sunning himself on a rock. The kiddos were like, "Yup! I see it. It's really cute!" etc... Problem was no matter how hard I tried  they never looked in the direction I was pointing. They never saw it. They only say what they think I want to hear. They don't get it, nor are they much interested. I keep trying.

They expect to go skiing tomorrow.... but the Ridge is closed due to pouring rain. :-(  We're trying to come up with a replacement activity. Buddy's mom leaves tomorrow for 5 days.  Her tribe is staying with us. I'm serious about having physical activities planned that don't include racing around the house playing hide and seek.

I think I am a bit affected. Maybe a little PTSD ? I'm on edge waiting for the other shoe to drop.... and then its fine. We couldn't have asked for a better day.


Emily said...

I always cherish the peaceful days. I'm glad you got a good one in! You needed it.

Mandy said...

Yes! I know what you mean about not trusting a calm moment. I call it PTSD, myself, its very real for me. The way even a certain sound or look can fill me with dread and nothing has even really happened yet. I think it makes me like James some days. Counting the raindrops instead of being able to fully enjoy the easier times. I will pray for you. Thanks for sharing your journey.

ErinL said...

When I first read about secondary PTSD I almost fell over. That's me. Right now I'm waiting for them moment the meds don't work as well anymore and we have to be taken back to the nightmare we were in a few months ago. The bigger and stronger she gets the more I fear some sort of inpatient setting.

We start spring break Monday. I'm already nervous so I'm trying to plan fun activities because I notice that behaviors are worse when there is nothing to do.