Saturday, March 15, 2014

Expecting Hard

I keep expecting her to go to pieces and she hasn't.

She got up after a couple of calls from me and went about her day with an unusual sweetness and swiftness. She was 20 minutes early for the bus and trotted down the road with a "Goodbye mom. Have a good day!"

The idea that she was hiding something flit through my head. I rejected it easily, but I had a harder time pushing aside the idea that she might want something. How awful is that? I remarked to all who would hear that she was incredibly good and I didn't even know how to enjoy it.

Today Missy had scripture reading in church. She was nervous. James was suppose to do it with her.... that's another story. She thought she was doing it for the superintendent remarks and was okay with that. Doing it for the 11 o'clock hour when the church was full freaked her out. She whispered her agreement to go through with it if ONLY Christina would stand beside her. And she did.

There are some signs of maturity. There's also sign of pride . . . balancing encouragement and rebuking the arrogance - a total walk on a tight rope.

I am expecting a hard week. James is balking progress hard. His report card shows it. His times tables show it. His music practice shows it. His homework shows it. His speaking up loud enough for others to hear him read shows it. If anyone dare ask him to raise the bar a wee bit he becomes passive aggressive to the nth degree. Music practice has become a fearful struggle for the both of us. Missy is doing hers happily, while he fights the whole process. It's quite hard for a teacher to help a kid who fakes he doesn't know anything. He's back to the beginning of the book he's had for two years... AND so, he's lost the use of his bicycle for a week or so, but he also lost his lessons with the teacher until he can show me he can play a good part of his book and point to any note and tell me what it is. I am a piano teacher, too. I don't think he knew that. He's about to find out I'm not fooled as easily. It's going to be rough. I expect it to be hard for both of us. If it were just piano I would give it up, but it isn't about piano. It's totally about character and it affects every area of his life.  He's losing to inclination. I'd like to teach him about victory over distorted thinking though I am asking a near impossible thing. We need to be armored up and supported by the Words of God. He needs to know where the power comes from. He needs a miracle or two in his own head to show him it's possible. God's grace is sufficient. His strength is made perfect in our weakness...

Pray for us. We're headed for a mini time of trouble. :-)

* Update: Practice two since we made the pact went well!! I can hardly believe it. After Sabbath but before supper we got busy. I showed him exactly what was expected of him. He was tempted twice to go down the old road, but pulled through. We are ten songs into the book since we started the review yesterday. We are going to do this! If we can have half the practices with as good an attitude as this I'll be thrilled~


Oldqueen44 said...

I will pray for you. Life seems like such a struggle.
When Little Sis is at my house and she comes up and hugs me and says I love you grandma, I know within the next 15 minutes she will ask to play video games. Never fails. She thinks she is so clever as to not ask at the same time she is saying she loves me. It has become a joke for the adults in the know. Not really funny though.

Anonymous said...

We were so happy for her, to see how she stumbled, then recovered and went on. We have little idea of the warfare going on, but we so appreciate the positive results of your soldiering on, Courage, Angie!