First Phase of Transition Nearly OVER

I hardly know where to start. I find it a challenge to write when the mood isn't right and interestingly enough, it is precisely when there is so much going on and so many feelings and emotions to work through that the inclination to write escapes me. Though, Of course, NOW would be a great time to put thought on paper!

Have I told you the kids might move in for good tomorrow? I wish I knew for sure. It seems foster mom feels it is time. She plans on driving here Monday morning to drop off the kids, but I haven't heard from the Social worker at all since last week. Last time we talked she was thinking in the next two weeks. It all hinges on how the meeting with the psychologist and bio mom and the kids went yesterday, I suppose. I'm guessing they finally told the kids what is going on. Poor kiddos~ they were really getting confused.

The two day visit turned out very well. The children were excited when we met them...foster mom had filled the car with all their belongings and they happily transferred all their things from her car to ours (we met in the middle of the 3 hour distance from our house to hers). They were jabbering away and so thrilled to see Steve. They've missed a Daddy figure in their lives! Upon arriving at our house they quickly toured the place and finding their bicycles all assembled they were anxious to learn to use them. For hours they practiced riding with the girls and Steve. I sorted through the boxes of clothes and toys and organized everything. After lunch the kids were back out on the bikes. They had progressed enough to move from the concrete drive to the lower barn area where the road is flat. Thankfully we live at the end of a country road and we never see cars at all. After awhile the Little Girl was exhausted and she found me folding clothes to put in their drawers. She asked what I was doing. You have to remember no one has told them that we are adopting them and they are moving in. She surveyed her little stacks of folded clothes and slips out to the hall where a couple of little tears trickle down her cheek. She wasn't sure what to make of things. I picked her up and carried her to the couch where I rocked and sang and held her for a half hour. She just melted in my arms and only made attempts to snuggle deeper. From that moment on she was mine wholeheartedly. I'm still looking for that breakthough moment with Little Guy.

The kids loved family worship and story time. Little Guy was totally enamored with the girls instrumental music. It was like he was seeing a vision when they played Jesus Loves Me on harp, violin and flute. Little Girl sang lustily. They know Jesus Loves Me - sort of. They don't know all the words and they don't carry their tune very well. I know from teaching children's choir that this is normal at this age even though that wasn't our experience with our three big girls. They will catch on after exposure to good solid melodic tunes. Because they don't know very many songs.... we've been singing the ABC's for worship! *Smile* The Lord understands~!

Little guy is very interested in the piano. We just might go a little crazy. I wonder if he has true musical talent hidden away somewhere. He is SOOOO drawn to the instruments and singing. He wants us to sing all the time, but he hasn't figured out that you don't change songs before you finish the first one. He is kind of that way anyway, he moves from thing to thing unless it really catches his attention.

Little Girl eats everything placed before her. She has shown no preferences. She eats what we eat with gusto. It doesn't matter that we are vegetarians and ... she asked for milk and I thought she might object to the soy milk but she drank it without hesitation. I just shook my head. Doesn't this child have any taste buds? I mean, people don't usually switch that easily. Little Guy, on the other hand, is another story. He doesn't eat fruit or vegetables. However, he didn't notice that our "meatballs" are not the usual... He never wants to stop playing to eat. It's the only time we had to deal with crying. He never asks to eat - EVER. By the time the two days were over, though, he had built up an appetite from all his bike riding and he was eating carrot sticks and actually ate a whole bowl of potato soup ... partly because everyone who finished their bowl was given a cookie. I'm not going to make an issue of the food and eating. We just eat at certain times and if you want a treat you eat the healthy stuff - within reason, of course. If he really hates oranges then I'll let him decide when he's going to like them. This leads me to the diaper issue...

I don't know if they were sort of constipated or if they've been eating a no-fiber diet, but EVERY. SINGLE. DIAPER . I changed was poopy - just a little. The longer they were here the more there was . . . But by the time they left it still wasn't what I consider an normal, healthy bm. Sorry, I'm sure you really needed to know that! This is part of the adoption journey for me so if I have to deal with it, you are going to hear about it :-P

Taking the little ones home Friday night was hard. They were excited to go see "grandma" and I was relieved to see they missed her. Little Girl was ready to pack up everything they had brought with them, especially her dresses. I tried to explain that they were going to come back again so it was okay to just leave them here. I told her to put her toothbrush in her diaper bag and she was okay with that. Then she went to the dresser and thoughtfully opened each drawer and quietly said, "This is my drawer." Then she went around the bedroom and pointed at each thing and said, "This is my bed. Those are my dresses. Those are my toys. This is my room." It was like she was working through something in her mind and figuring it all out. She happily got in the car.

Little Guy is particularly attached to Grandma and Grandma talks more about him than her. He appears more needy and I think that is why she is more connected to him. Truthfully, I don't see little girl as less needy. She just doesn't exhibit her feelings as loudly and she doesn't stand up to conflict. If tw*n brother wants something from her she lets him have it. If he wants to push her she moves away. She doesn't defend herself. She's more content. She doesn't cry.

They were thrilled to arrive at Grandma's .... but then Little Girl wouldn't let me go. She hung on in a tight hug - cheek to cheek. She would have turned around and gone home with us if we had invited her to. She would let go of me long enough to go to Steve and then she was back. I was quite concerned about Little Guy. He was clearly confused. He hid and became grumpy. It didn't help that people were teasing him and trying to ask him tons of questions about his visit and IT DIDN"T HELP that Grandma wanted to send the rest of his things home with us! I said no. He was struggling and I was helpless to do anything about it. Before I left I cornered him in a room away from the others and just hugged him. I didn't ask anything of him and I told him I would see him again soon.

In my mind it is time to make the move. This back and forth is confusing especially since no one has told them what is going on. At least until yesterday. I was really, really worried about the effects of yesterdays meeting on them. How would you like some stranger psychologist, your bio mom and who knows who else to corner you and tell you are moving away from "Grandma's" (fostermom), the only safe home they've ever known ! I've done a lot of praying for them. I have to wait until tomorrow to know anything.

I'm praying they are coming home for good tomorrow. They need stability. The more I visit fostermom's house the more I see that her house is grand central station with children and adult children and teenage grandchildren coming and going in an unending flow - which is fine. I think big families are fun, but these little ones need consistency, and the peace of our little country home where they can play outdoors all day. I promise I'll love them to pieces.