A Thought

This quote caught my eye today. I read no further....

"When you wear the weed of impatience in your heart instead of the flower Acceptance-with-Joy, you will always find your enemies get an advantage over you."

All I can Say is WOW... Thank You, Jesus!

I received an email this morning regarding little guy. It brought happy tears to my eyes. I am so grateful to the Lord that He sees and knows and cares for His children. The family I took little guy to last Wednesday evening have been in the process of adopting also. They have been waiting 2 years for a girl. They took little guy to help me out for our vacation for two weeks. I'm sure they got the message that we had decided not to adopt Little Guy. After a week and couple days they have decided to adopt him. I am so HAPPY for him. I just know he will do fine there. The mom is such a warm, beautiful person. They have already adopted 2 boys older than Little Guy. All I can say is PTL! My heart was broken for the little one and I wished I could help him, but I didn't have the peace knowing that he was the child for our family. Now I can rest assured that he has family and can stay in the area to be near his sister and that his sister's placement was not jepardized by his disruption. This whole thing had caused me quite a lot of distress... I can now sleep at night!

Thank You!

I have appreciated all the prayers and thoughts and stories shared in our behalf and the little guy. I have had to do a lot of thought sorting. It will take awhile...
Thanks for the encouragement.

We are enjoying the cabin on the ocean and the time to relax and think and play as a family.

Blessings,

Acceptance With Joy

Decision

The transition to new foster mom didn't go all that great last night. It was rather rough on the kid and he was tired and should have been crawling into bed, not meeting yet another family. Anyway, he has some major coping mechanisms that kicked in and saved the day.

I pray for him. He needs a strong home and love and everything. We have decided that we cannot be what he needs. He needs a therapeutic home and we are very inexperienced. We have three fabulous girls who never had a trial in their lives in comparison. I look at the previous mom who had to give him up and all her experience and strengths and I know, if she can't do this "who am I kidding?".

The stuff I learned and the acting out that started yesterday helped us to conclude that we are not right for him. One of the things that the social workers felt was in his favor was that we have no little children, but the fact is we live around kids. Yesterday was a good example....there were 15 or 16 kids of all ages in my yard and house, counting mine and the little guy. Later in the day I was working with 30 kids at choir. I live around kids. I work with kids. Our church is full of kids. That's the way I want it.

What I learned in the meeting is all confidential. If you try to guess at what the issues are you will either be generalizing or wrong.:-)

I felt no peace about keeping him, but I had instant peace when my husband said, "We can't do this". Thanks for all the prayers. I felt them. I think our answer is quite clear. I feel bad for the little child, but I think we could do him greater harm by not having the tools that he needs, than if he moves on to a better equipt home.

Been "Working" with "Dad" all Afternoon

I teach music on Wednesday afternoons. Steve was repairing a broken water pipe at the barn. He kept little guy with him the whole time. Wheelbarrow rides, lots of dirt and rocks and shovels and guy stuff. I came home from choir and he saw me crest the hill in my car and was waving and waving! He's just so happy and he had to show us all they had done. He had a good, good afternoon and I am sad to have to tell him that we take him to another house tonight...

Whew! Okay... Need Prayer

I spent a few hours in a meeting about little guy. I learned a ton. I learned some things I did not want to hear. I feel quite a bit of pressure to say very quickly if we are committed to this child or not. I feel like I am in a bit of a corner, but I can't allow that to dictate our answer or when we answer.

I talked at length with the previous parent. She was honest and sincerely wants the best for him. She's heartbroken and struggling with the whole "I failed him" process. I encouraged her best as I could. She has to think of the safety and well-being of her little children. She told me stuff the social workers were not really saying... Stuff I didn't want to hear but needed to know in order to make an informed decision. There's a lot!

He had his first major tantrum while Steve was watching him and I was at the meeting. He got over it because Steve didn't cater to him and he decided to just do what he was told.

I am feeling very burdened about the whole thing. A little stressed. Just praying for the Lord to make it clear. I don't want to commit without a clear calling.This disrupt stuff can't happen to him again. I have to be 100 percent without a doubt committed to the long-haul.

We go on vacation tomorrow. Our plans were somewhat changed. We planned to stay at bro-in-law's cabin on the G Island, but that plan fell apart and we are headed to R*sario and then sis-in-law's for Canadian Thanksgiving , Lake L*uise, Banff, and on up to CUC to see Steve's mom. We need all this time to just think and talk.

Somehow, this wasn't the way I had envisioned things to go. I expected to know something, read something, pour over files, talk to social workers - then meet the kids and get to know them, and then decide. Not, get the kid, and then find out some information and get some background on him, then be put on the spot to decide. Does that make sense?

Feeling very unsettled about it all!

I will be taking him to the next respite stop this evening. He will stay there 2 weeks.

Playing Happily

He plays pretty contentedly by the hour. I took him out to the garden and we picked a lot of tomatoes... I was picking orange ones because I know frost is bound to arrive sooner or later. I looked over and saw his bowl overflowing with green tomatoes : -) He was only trying to do what I was doing. It's alright. We have TONS of tomatoes and a few fried green tomatoes might be good.

We have two TONKA trucks that my little nephews left here a long time ago. They have come into good use.

I will go to a meeting about this little fellow tomorrow. Apparently there are differences of opinion about what exactly should happen next. One is adamant that if he moves his sister moves also, but she is so happy in her home and doesn't want to. The other staff just want to find him a good home close by so the siblings can have contact.

For those of you who know me... keep this under wraps for now. I am not ready to make "waves".

We have been asked to consider adopting him should the decision be that he can be moved without his sister. We were asked if we would consider the sister. She is 5 years older than he and happy where she is. I think they should allow her to stay there.

Pray for this little guy. Pray that if we are suppose to be his parents that we will know without a shadow of a doubt. It is still possible for doors to open or close.

He sure is cute!

First Impressions

He hasn't even been here 12 hours yet and he's talking about staying and having his "mom" bring his trucks and toys here in a wagon. He told Vanessa up in the garden that he wants to stay here.

I could love this kid. His smile has captured me.

He is sweet and mild mannered. He isn't the least bit shy or afraid. He likes the dog and the cats and he is thrilled with the rabbits.

When Steve walked in last night he ran to the door and shouted, "Hi, Steve!" and then he went behind the wall and giggled.

I read his history and I can't figure out why he isn't more visibly damaged!! Obviously, he is on his best behavior, but still. He has had 7 placements in his short little 5 years and nearly all of them were pre-adoptive homes - meaning he has been disrupted way too many times!!! Until this last one none of it was his fault. His sister was the issue, but now she has found home and it wasn't right for him.

I was told he would not go to bed easily... that he would play around in his room until he was ready. I tucked him in and he was asleep in 5 minutes. I was told he wakes up at 5:30 every morning but he didn't wake up until 6:30. He didn't want to brush his teeth and there was no toothbrush in his bag. I found a new toothbrush and after the first couple whines (the only I have heard so far) he brushed like he knew what he was doing.

He has brown, expressive eyes and needs a haircut. He talks all the time.

I sent his broken glasses with Steve to the Eye and Ear Clinic next to the hospital to be repaired. Thankfully they still had his subscription in the case and they came from that very clinic.

This little guy knows who God is. He seems familiar with church and such... but doesn't fold his hands or close his eyes when we say grace :-)

I have simplified my day so I can be home with him. Cindy will take the girls to their classes to help me out. I think we'll work in the garden and pick tomatoes.

Wetting Our Feet!

This morning I had this weird feeling.... I couldn't really put a finger on it.

Later I got our first call!!! I am headed out to pick up a little boy from a disruption - his second!!! We are keeping him as respite for 2 days because we are going on vacation to Canada on Thursday. This is an emergency visit with us. I'm excited and a little nervous. Pray for us!

PS. I thought it was a 2nd disruption, but have since learned there were many more...