Monday, August 22, 2016


Missy went to a respite group home for the first time. She was there 5 days. I had a really hard time leaving her  there for several reasons... I wasn't super impressed with the home to start with, but I had driven 3 plus hours to get there and I was leaving for Californing in the morning with steve and to take Christina to college. Brianna and Vanessa had James. It was more than I was willing to ask of them to care for Missy, too. She has gotten difficult to manage most of the time. She's angry and sullen and doesn't do anything almost all day. So, I prayed over her and left. She seemed unfazed.

Meanwhile I was crying all the way home. I finally stopped and texted some trauma mama friends and they assured me I wasn't just an evil mom abandoning my child to who knows what. They talked me through and it helped tremendously.

Next day we left for CA. IT was a terrible trip down. We broke down multiple times and every time was a HUGe cost. We eventually arrived at the college late that night. Next day we drove to an Oregon beach and Steve and I celebrated 25 years of marriage and his 50th birthday. We relaxed.

The first couple days when I called Missy her voice was flat and lifeless. She had nothing to say. After that she livened up and started calling me and her sisters non-stop and chatting up a storm. Mostly she would say hi to me and ask for dad and then go off on a monolog for a half hour or more and then she would call the next one on her list.

When Vanessa called to tell her she would be picking her up the next day Missy argued that she wasn't planning to leave for a couple more days. Then she called me and argued when she was being picked up. So Vanessa eventually asked her, "Do you want me to pick you up, or not?" She answered, "Oh, I'll think about it."  lol. Okay. That's Missy totally trying to control everything.

She's home. She does her own thing and pays no heed to the schedule or what I ask. She whines and argues and fusses. I know she wasn't like that at the group home. sigh. I was prepared though, that re-entry would not go super easy.

I'm filling out applications to horse therapy, school, and pathfinders and she has a doctor's appointment. I'm waiting on a phone call to know when she enters the 30 day enhanced respite program...


Kelly said...

So glad you got a break and a chance to refuel and relax! I completely understand the difficulty of dropping off and also the lack of concern on the child's part. Leaving Jackson at his RTC the first time was the hardest thing I have ever done but he was fine. Par for the course with our RAD kids. :( Take care of yourself!

ErinL said...

The first time I left Oksana at our respite center I sobbed hysterically on the way home for MANY of the same reasons you explained. I totally get it! Our respite center ended up being absolutely wonderful and now she looks forward to the weekends as much as I do. I am SO glad you got this break!