Friday, April 29, 2016

To A Sceeching Halt?

So, as you know, Fluoxatine was not what I had in mind when I asked for a mood stabilizer for Missy, however, the difference was almost immediate and pretty incredible. We had been going through a horror story with this kid. She was screaming, or crying, or whining or growling or chewing somebody's head off 99.9% of the time for all of January and February. Once she started the meds on March 1st we saw the depression dissipate rather quickly and while it did not change her character - no one expected it would, the screaming stopped. And at the time that's ALL that mattered, but it actually even got better than that. I didn't know if I was going to make it with all the screaming so it was a huge relief when it stopped.

Last week she started slip. This week has been downhill all the way. She acts depressed. She barely moves without a growl. She barely acknowledges us when we are addressing her. She has started screaming again. Not all the time, yet, but I know where this is going. Her reading ability has deteriorated. He behavior is full blown RAD. She's been going out of her way to swipe food and we put in that new pantry door with the lock, (Which I love, by the way!!) and we have been using her alarm on her bedroom door at night so we know when she is wandering, but she still manages to take food at inappropriate times and take it to her bed or stuff it all in her mouth when no one is looking. We've seen regression other ways.

I'm trying to make a doctor's appointment. Maybe this is is not the right med or the right dose, or perhaps she should not be on anything.

Steve was home yesterday and we worked in the gardens. We tried to involve the twins in our activities, but they were not interested. Mostly Missy kept far away and did nothing. James eventually got going with the weed wacker. Steve was uncomfortable with Missy wandering about doing who knows what while we worked out of sight so he brought her to do some writing stuff on the picnic table down at the barn... but she hung her head and basically just sat there. Eventually the care-giver came and we didn't try much to keep them engaged after that.  Our neighbor had surgery yesterday,  so later I had her kids.... that always changes up things and Missy had energy to run and play just fine.

This is just an example of how interactions with Missy go right now: I asked the twins to brush their teeth after supper. James got up and noticed Missy was NOT making a move and said, "AJ it's time to brush our teeth". She never so much as flinched. We reminded him that his job is to brush HIS teeth and sent him on his way. She continued to sit there. Steve and I told her to get going and there was no response. We started discussing the consequence of not brushing the teeth and made it clear to her. She never so much as acknowledged we were talking to her. I'm sort of used to this. She does not recognize me as her mother. She defies my authority all the way, but for her to do that in front of dad, or the two of us together is pretty blazen. He got up and moved towards her and literally had to lift her to her feet and move her down the hall. She mouthed off at him.😳

I just looked at him and said, "I don't know what my goal is suppose to be with her anymore. I'm clearly not her mother and likely never will be." There's no relationship there and what is there is toxic. What is our goal for this child suppose to be at this point? She is 12 and still as unattached as ever. Sometimes I think that I see bits of attachment and then it fades into nothing. She fights obedience with everything she's got. She fights progress in any direction.  We joke about selling our place when the girls leave and living in a tiny house and building her her own tiny house for "independent living".  😝 (We have better ideas for James).  Steve is sure we can homeschool them another year. I'm sure we cannot if the girls are off to college and Peru, etc...

James is doing fairly good. Though I just figured out he's been starving the chickens for three days... sigh.. 😱

the pantry door. YES!!

larkspur overlooking Sleepy Hollow

A really blessed visit from these folks... We shall be getting to know one another A LOT more. :-) ;-)

some garden stuff. :-)

Christina and her friend. They hiked 20 miles along the Carbon River at Rainier

James with his Bluebird House that he helped/watched being made


ErinL said...

Sadly, I can relate to a lot of this.

Thandi said...

Now what? Go through life with a daughter who doesn't want to be a daughter? Sin has wrought such destruction in this world.

Kelly said...

I don't even know what to say except I am so sorry. That doesn't help but I do understand and I am praying for you and your whole family. As you know I didn't have the answers for Jackson and therefore we had to seek help outside our home. I don't know if that is an option for you. It was the hardest thing I ever did to admit I was not enough and must get help. It was the right decision for us and although we haven't seen much if any change in Jackson it has afforded the rest of our family time to heal. I didn't realize the HUGE impact Jackson's behavior was having on all of us until we began to heal. I will pray for you!