To A Sceeching Halt?

So, as you know, Fluoxatine was not what I had in mind when I asked for a mood stabilizer for Missy, however, the difference was almost immediate and pretty incredible. We had been going through a horror story with this kid. She was screaming, or crying, or whining or growling or chewing somebody's head off 99.9% of the time for all of January and February. Once she started the meds on March 1st we saw the depression dissipate rather quickly and while it did not change her character - no one expected it would, the screaming stopped. And at the time that's ALL that mattered, but it actually even got better than that. I didn't know if I was going to make it with all the screaming so it was a huge relief when it stopped.

Last week she started slip. This week has been downhill all the way. She acts depressed. She barely moves without a growl. She barely acknowledges us when we are addressing her. She has started screaming again. Not all the time, yet, but I know where this is going. Her reading ability has deteriorated. He behavior is full blown RAD. She's been going out of her way to swipe food and we put in that new pantry door with the lock, (Which I love, by the way!!) and we have been using her alarm on her bedroom door at night so we know when she is wandering, but she still manages to take food at inappropriate times and take it to her bed or stuff it all in her mouth when no one is looking. We've seen regression other ways.

I'm trying to make a doctor's appointment. Maybe this is is not the right med or the right dose, or perhaps she should not be on anything.

Steve was home yesterday and we worked in the gardens. We tried to involve the twins in our activities, but they were not interested. Mostly Missy kept far away and did nothing. James eventually got going with the weed wacker. Steve was uncomfortable with Missy wandering about doing who knows what while we worked out of sight so he brought her to do some writing stuff on the picnic table down at the barn... but she hung her head and basically just sat there. Eventually the care-giver came and we didn't try much to keep them engaged after that.  Our neighbor had surgery yesterday,  so later I had her kids.... that always changes up things and Missy had energy to run and play just fine.

This is just an example of how interactions with Missy go right now: I asked the twins to brush their teeth after supper. James got up and noticed Missy was NOT making a move and said, "AJ it's time to brush our teeth". She never so much as flinched. We reminded him that his job is to brush HIS teeth and sent him on his way. She continued to sit there. Steve and I told her to get going and there was no response. We started discussing the consequence of not brushing the teeth and made it clear to her. She never so much as acknowledged we were talking to her. I'm sort of used to this. She does not recognize me as her mother. She defies my authority all the way, but for her to do that in front of dad, or the two of us together is pretty blazen. He got up and moved towards her and literally had to lift her to her feet and move her down the hall. She mouthed off at him.😳

I just looked at him and said, "I don't know what my goal is suppose to be with her anymore. I'm clearly not her mother and likely never will be." There's no relationship there and what is there is toxic. What is our goal for this child suppose to be at this point? She is 12 and still as unattached as ever. Sometimes I think that I see bits of attachment and then it fades into nothing. She fights obedience with everything she's got. She fights progress in any direction.  We joke about selling our place when the girls leave and living in a tiny house and building her her own tiny house for "independent living".  😝 (We have better ideas for James).  Steve is sure we can homeschool them another year. I'm sure we cannot if the girls are off to college and Peru, etc...

James is doing fairly good. Though I just figured out he's been starving the chickens for three days... sigh.. 😱

the pantry door. YES!!

larkspur overlooking Sleepy Hollow

A really blessed visit from these folks... We shall be getting to know one another A LOT more. :-) ;-)

some garden stuff. :-)

Christina and her friend. They hiked 20 miles along the Carbon River at Rainier

James with his Bluebird House that he helped/watched being made

Oh Dear

Missy's Mental Health appointment was just the intake and it took three hours in all. I was completely overwhelmed and struggled to finish. Just having to answer questions and explain and tell and remember was too much. I was anxious and sick. I would have never thought I would react like this.

Two days later I was suppose to take James for his appointment but I canceled as I had not quite recovered and knew I could not do this all over again so soon.  

I scheduled Missy's next appointment a few weeks away... I just don't know if this is a waste of energy or not. Missy was cuddling up to me on the couch (she doesn't normally do that) and making up answers to the questions (because honestly she doesn't know the answers)  or veering off the subject completely to bring up all sorts of random things and it just did not feel productive. I decided I have some pretty big trust issues with therapists and counselors!! The intake gal did say that none of them are trained with DD kids and she didn't know if they had much experience in that area, either.  The whole direction of the process took a weird turn towards ADHD instead of behavioral issues and I think I must have messed up the outcome with my inability to think and articulate clearly why we were there in the first place. 

The flowers on our hill are in bloom. It's so amazing.  

My girls have been away. Vanessa comes home from New Mexico and Oklahoma tonight. She's in a very exciting time of her life and has a very nice boyfriend from New Mexico. I'll tell more when I get permission. Brianna is not coming home for two more weeks. She has also has a good boyfriend and he's from Oklahoma. Christina is busy with her work in Idaho. We could not be more blessed.

after her 25 mile backpacking trip that was a total hoot.

In Home Care-Worker Solution

It was Easter morning when the new care-giver showed up. I was not prepared to meet with her... Steve had taken the kids with him thinking it was going to be a hard day after all our crowds of people coming and going all day every day since Thursday. He was thinking it would be kind of a let-down sort of day for the twins. He works in the transfer center on Sundays. Pretty much he is in an office by himself at the hospital all day. He decided to help me avoid any behaviors by waking them up early and taking them with him. Here I was about to leave with Brianna to do music at a church in the community and this care-worker shows up.

Let me just say that at first glance I was pleased, but after ten minutes of talking both Brianna and I were completely in agreement that this was NOT going to work. at. all.  I just about cancelled ALL care-workers right then and there. I was a tad freaked out by the experience. There was NO way this person was going to be spending one-on-one time with my kids. Period.

Not knowing anything about what had just transpired Steve texted me that it was going great at the office and the kids were doing school work and he thought this might be a great plan for the next several Sundays. He's been actively trying to find ways to be  more in their lives and this works.

We decided to just keep Justin as our care-worker and have him work with the kids on garden projects. We have tons of work to do and it goes along with our special emphasis of the kiddos learning more practical skills that will serve to make them useful to society. Steve figures it's a perfect solution to my lack of man-power and getting the kids to do more without wearing me out. So, yesterday, Steve,  Justin and the kids moved gravel, and burned the whole, huge  brush pile. Tuesday Justin helped me and Savannah clear the large overgrown flower bed out. He found some vines there and taught the kids to make really cool wreaths, too. So that was a bonus. The kids stick close to Justin and he keeps them on task... The weather has been perfect so everyone is glad to be outdoors.

We had a lot of fun Thursday with the Pathfinder club. Christina invited them all over to work on their candle making honor. We had 18 kids, I think. 

Our hike up Nahahum Sabbath

From behind the house this week.

Today I have an order of plants going to the feed store in town. I'm so excited because I need the room in the greenhouse!

Building new garden beds.