Spring

Spring break is over for the college girls. Today they go back to school.  It wasn't long enough. There might have even been a few tears because it wasn't long enough, but the calendar moves on. There's only one quarter left for Vanessa and then she prepares to take the Nclex exam to become an RN!

Spring break for the twins is this week. Yesterday they were good and helpful and happy all day. It was nice. We worked together in the garden and yard. James really got into weed-whacking and mowing. The lawn mower is nearly dead. It can barely to do the flat part of the lawn in front of the house so Steve said the pasture had to be mowed with the weed whacker and since the kids are planning a "campout" in the pasture with Vanessa and the bonus kids for Thursday James is all gung-ho to get it mowed. What he doesn't know is his dad is bringing home a used riding lawn mower tonight! It's the kiddo's dream. He even asked for one for Christmas so this is going to be a good surprise.

Missy filled 4 inch pots with potting soil for me to transplant tomatoes into, and planted seeds for me in the square foot garden apple bins. Do you know how much coordination it takes to plant seeds? yikes. lol. I made the holes... and then I had to watch to make sure A single seed got into each hole. I only let her plant seeds that are large enough for her to handle.

The twins are in a good place right now. Hoping it lasts because visitors are coming today.

I'm a little stressed. I have to drive to Seattle to pick up my sister and her kids flying/busing from the Yukon. I'm a country bumpkin at best. City driving freaks me out. I'm taking Christina to help me navigate. She might end up driving!!  The nephews are staying for an extended period of time. . .

Coming back to the bonus kids (the little guys that used to be our foster children and their siblings)... They are doing very well. They are here often and they love it here, still. They have calmed right down and they are cheerful and joyful and enjoying just being kids. It's wonderful. Their dad is doing great with them and he and his parents and sister are doing an amazing job raising the kids.  BUT Their mother is not okay. She's in jail and she might be there a long time. She calls and calls and calls. Every time I answer it costs me 5 dollars... which is not in my budget multiple times a day, but I have been trying to encourage her to look to Jesus. However, I am not answering every call. She is desperate to find someone to pay the bond on her bail. It was only $250 as it is just small percentage of the bail. There is NOT a single soul in the whole wide world who would pay that for her. Not her biological father, not her adopted father, not her step-father, not her children's father, not friend or foe - and I've talked to nearly every one of them.  How sad of a story is that??!!  None of her begging or pleading or manipulating is getting her out of this one. No one believes that paying the bond will help her and no one will be party to enabling.  I had to tell her flat out, "It's not about the money at all. Anyone of us would give it to you in a second if we felt it would HELP you." I have never heard such frantic pleading for something that is in my power to give and yet I stand firm on the principle and turn a deaf ear. She's in for burglary, stolen vehicle and driving with a suspended license. The oldest child says, "Hi mom!" as they drive past the courthouse/jail. She believes her mother is safer in jail than out as drugs is the bottom line for that woman.

The weather has been unusual. We are a month ahead in every way. I try not to think what that means for August in terms of wild fire. We are just enjoying it to the fullest.

OT Again

After what I wrote last we've been to OT twice and both times were super positive. I felt like the therapists were making an effort to team with us and not change everything.

I'm done my quail job. Whew. Remind me never to really get into animal farming - not really a possibility seeing we are vegetarian, but I do love plants. Plants don't poop. I'm breathing easier, though I have to stay away from dust and hay and such now that my lungs got going with the asthma.

Steve is out getting a backhoe to clear our spot for the new greenhouse today . . .  YAY! (and to work on our water problems~)

Brianna finished her finals early and is in Oklahoma visiting her farmer...
Vanessa finished finals yesterday for this quarter. One to go and she will be an RN.
Christina has finals today and tomorrow. I am particularly anxious for this quarter to be done. Too many sciences. All she does is school and study. We want our girl back. Next quarter she's going to take a lighter load.
James successfully entered the science fair project that took nearly the whole family to put together. I still have a beef about the requirements school puts on the kid. Life takes time for him. He can't do school ALL the time. In fact we had to keep him home from school to finish up his science project - it's true.
Missy got the flue and it lasted 12 hours. She's back to school today.

Well, it's a new day. Have to go take down all the frost cloths from over my hundreds of tomato plants.

OT

We started OT at a very good independent therapy office.  The twins have a lot of basic skills and core strength building and reflexes to work on. It's fun and they love it. I think it is very good for the kids.

We have been going three times a week.

This last week, though, I only took the kids once. I needed the break. I think the therapists think they are going to correct the children's explosive behaviors through their work. And, yes, if life is a bit easier on the kids and they aren't tired out from having to work so hard to do basic things, maybe it will calm them in some ways. BUT it is not going to solve our very deep emotional problems  (RAD) and self-centeredness. I was getting the feeling, though, that the therapists do not have a good understanding of RAD and they kind of look at me sideways, or correct my wording of certain situations when explosive behaviors come up. Like maybe they think I don't know anything. The last session I stayed in the car while Brianna went in and then I canceled other appointments just for last week.

I am not going to say much, I'm just going to get the therapy the kids need. I am grateful they get this opportunity and thankful it is paid for.

Finding Balance

It's hard not to wobble around on the balance thing.

At one end we say, "We have to do EVERYTHING possible to help these kids. We can leave no stone unturned. If we come to the end of the journey and we knowingly did not try something that might have improved their lives how could we live with ourselves? They need every chance we can give them."

The other end of the wobble is that allowing myself to become totally immersed in the their problems and being all consumed with trying to help them is not healthy. It's a recipe for depression and despair. It's not a good place for our whole family. I have to have outside interests and a life outside of the kids.

But those outside interests and that other life can't compete with caring for the kids and their needs.

So, finding the balance is pretty much a song and dance...  always jiggling for the sweet spot.



We have some big projects going...  The barn is coming down today and a greenhouse will go up in its spot. I have over 200 organic, heirloom  tomato plants ready to go next week to the feed store. I have 400 + growing for the next shipment. I have 500 other kinds of tomatoes growing for private sale plus other veggies. Briana and I have been making strides in preparing her gardens for providing Youth For Jesus with vegetables this summer. Spring came a 6 weeks early and we were not as ready as we had planned.

 I've been taking care of a quail farm.... think thousands of helpless, suicidal, fragile babies.  Not actually a fun job. My lungs reject all the smells and dust, so I have to wear a mask or wheeze all day. Now it's giving me a sore throat. I have 5 days to go. 

I've been trying to get the kids more involved in community service, so yesterday we worked hard at the community dinner put on by our church and the evening before we were helping at the food bank. I'm just a little tired and grumpy.