OT

We started OT at a very good independent therapy office.  The twins have a lot of basic skills and core strength building and reflexes to work on. It's fun and they love it. I think it is very good for the kids.

We have been going three times a week.

This last week, though, I only took the kids once. I needed the break. I think the therapists think they are going to correct the children's explosive behaviors through their work. And, yes, if life is a bit easier on the kids and they aren't tired out from having to work so hard to do basic things, maybe it will calm them in some ways. BUT it is not going to solve our very deep emotional problems  (RAD) and self-centeredness. I was getting the feeling, though, that the therapists do not have a good understanding of RAD and they kind of look at me sideways, or correct my wording of certain situations when explosive behaviors come up. Like maybe they think I don't know anything. The last session I stayed in the car while Brianna went in and then I canceled other appointments just for last week.

I am not going to say much, I'm just going to get the therapy the kids need. I am grateful they get this opportunity and thankful it is paid for.

Finding Balance

It's hard not to wobble around on the balance thing.

At one end we say, "We have to do EVERYTHING possible to help these kids. We can leave no stone unturned. If we come to the end of the journey and we knowingly did not try something that might have improved their lives how could we live with ourselves? They need every chance we can give them."

The other end of the wobble is that allowing myself to become totally immersed in the their problems and being all consumed with trying to help them is not healthy. It's a recipe for depression and despair. It's not a good place for our whole family. I have to have outside interests and a life outside of the kids.

But those outside interests and that other life can't compete with caring for the kids and their needs.

So, finding the balance is pretty much a song and dance...  always jiggling for the sweet spot.



We have some big projects going...  The barn is coming down today and a greenhouse will go up in its spot. I have over 200 organic, heirloom  tomato plants ready to go next week to the feed store. I have 400 + growing for the next shipment. I have 500 other kinds of tomatoes growing for private sale plus other veggies. Briana and I have been making strides in preparing her gardens for providing Youth For Jesus with vegetables this summer. Spring came a 6 weeks early and we were not as ready as we had planned.

 I've been taking care of a quail farm.... think thousands of helpless, suicidal, fragile babies.  Not actually a fun job. My lungs reject all the smells and dust, so I have to wear a mask or wheeze all day. Now it's giving me a sore throat. I have 5 days to go. 

I've been trying to get the kids more involved in community service, so yesterday we worked hard at the community dinner put on by our church and the evening before we were helping at the food bank. I'm just a little tired and grumpy.