Sunday, September 20, 2015

Door Alarm

A couple of people shared with me where I could get a door alarm and how useful it would be. I bought one within a few hours. They can be found at Walmart in the household section by the smoke alarms. I bought one for under $7. It is about 2 inches big. I put it in the drawer and almost forgot about it for nearly a week... and then came yesterday.

Missy is pushing boundaries. She delights in seeing just how far she can get over the boundaries we have laid down for her safety and happiness. If you have been reading long you know that  being late is her favorite way of staying out of reach. She has been late for  breakfast for years. Every morning is a potential for a brand new battle on getting done our chores and being on time for breakfast. Mostly I don't talk to her about it anymore. It just is. She will move as slowly as she can and she will be late. Various things we have tried have not worked more than a day or two. The most recent one is "the Last one to breakfast washes the dishes".  So, she's been washing the dishes and she is making it take hours thus cutting into her school time.  It's a no-win situation and she knows it.

Our church was closed this weekend for the Valley Wide Campmeeting. The older girls took the opportunity to take Drake and Hayden's siblings for a day long hike. They were not sure if they were going to invite the twins or not. The intensity of the twins' personalities are exhausting and the girls were needing a refreshing day, not an intense one. Eventually, though they decided they should just invite them. I put a clause in their invite. Anyone who was ready and had a good attitude could go, and anyone not able to fulfill the requirements would go to campmeeting - which was still a good option with all the youth programs planned, etc...  Steve and I watched the morning progress. I said Missy was not going to make it. Her usual exaggerated slowness was quite apparent and I hadn't seen a single lighthearted look, never mind a smile. Steve wanted her to go. He wanted her to be successful. Truth be known, I wanted her to learn a lesson.

It's a good thing we are happily married cause this kid would destroy our marriage if possible. We had to keep making adjustments to our relationship just watching - IT'S THAT HARD TO WATCH! Missy got more and more intense and more and more demanding and we just kept trying to regulate each other to let the experiment play through without any feelings showing. A half hour before time to leave I starting eating crow. It seemed that she was going to make it after all. All she had to do was brush her teeth. Oh, but wait. . .  SHE HAD TO BRUSH HER TEETH . She doesn't brush her teeth without a battle every day, three times a day, so much so that I'm tempted to skip meals sometimes so we don't have to brush any teeth. Yeah... That was all that lay between her going and her not going.

Steve reminded her to go brush her teeth. She shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes and said, "I don't have time." I said she wasn't going unless she brushed her teeth. About fifteen minutes later she finally gave in and went in the bathroom stuck a toothbrush in her mouth and then promptly put it away. Um sorry, it does not work that way with braces.

And then she blew.  She was screaming she didn't have time to brush her teeth and she was not going to do it. No one really said anything. The girls, Steve, the other kids, me.... we just kind of watched her dance around screaming. Finally the kids and the girls hightailed it out and left. It was clear to everyone she had created her own demise and there was no point in even waiting for her, though I would not have let them. Somewhere, somehow we have to draw the line on the drama and quit letting her get through by the skin of her teeth (pardon the pun) and giving her grace to squeak past and to abuse over and over again.

Little Miss had three hours of fight in her. Steve patiently held her, prayed with her, sang to her, worked with her, gave her Bible promises and got firm with her all those hours. Her heart was hard and she never gave up or gave in.  Steve appealed to her heart to let Christ take over to no avail. I don't know how long she would have fought except I remembered the door alarm and I installed it. We gave the kiddo all she needed, had her use the restroom, put a few good books in her room and a doll and an art project and told her that she could NOT open her door for any reason and that it would be very loud and frightening if she did. And that was it. We walked away and while I heard some crashing around in her nearly empty room for about 2 minutes, after that it was quiet. Pretty soon I heard her reading her Bible story out loud.

End of story.

Here's a 30 second video the kids on the hike made of their adventure. They went to 8 Mile Lake.


Emily said...

Three cheers for the door alarm!!!!! It works in our house, too.

Anonymous said...

That door alarm sounds like just the thing!

Anonymous said...

Reading this brings back a floud of memories that are so hard to relive in my mind. I am so sorry for your continued struggles. Prayers. Kelly

Amanda K. said...

Sounds just like my foster daughter when she first came last September. She can still flip out over little things. It's hard to understand why. I think she feels so out of control in most situations that she's trying to control what little she can. It can be exhausting.