Missy has been lobbing insults and unkind words non-stop. This can really, really put James in a tither. He hasn't ever been able to walk away or let it go. He cries. I coach him often through the day. I remind him that she's angry at the world and nothing can make her happy and every reaction from him is another victory for her ugly darts.
Isaac, on the other hand, does not take any of it personally. He's grown up with older brothers. I dare say they have teased and kidded each other around enough for him to know that words are only words. So when she screamed at him that he was a stupid idiot he just turned and smiled and said, "Thank you." And kept on what he was doing.
James watched this a few times. They discussed it. And then we all discussed it. I added a few other lines for him to add like, "You are such a sweet, kind sister! I love you!" If said in sarcasm it could mean more trouble, but if said kindly it could be helpful. It's not exactly truth. . . It's what we want for her.
He tried it out and the results were as expected. She scowled and walked off. I don't know if he can remember when it makes him so mad to be screamed at. He knows all about it. He's done it himself a million times, but funny it bothers him when it comes from the other direction.
Tuesday, August 2, 2016
Monday, August 1, 2016
A Ray of HOPE
I have spent hours pursing help for Missy.
One day I emailed NAMI in our town. I told them some of the most recent happenings. And then I waited. Surprisingly someone called me late one evening and she gave me a list of people to call and some advice..
Slowly I worked through the recommendations and things have become more encouraging. Getting help from the mental health system is pretty much futile if the providers are clueless about developmental disabilities. They cannot see past the DD. I was given the name of a lady who I think works with Treehouse and/or Behavioral health for children in our town. She really got the situation and she isn't going to leave me hanging. I think she will help me pursue all available avenues. She is clearly an advocate of adoption support. She mentioned that it was in the state's best interest to give us all that we need because too often these adopted children end up back in the system and that is the last thing they want to happen. She gave me a list of people I need on my team.
One is our Department of Developmental Disabilities case worker. Well, previously we had a case worker who was very sweet and made sure we had the basics, but when I pressed for more she had nothing to offer except an in-home behavioralist. The last behavioralist was terrible and I would NOT have him back in my home for any reason so I turned down her offer. Recently there was a change and we were assigned a new case worker. When I got ahold of her today I was blown away at how knowledgeable she was and how proactive and encouraging she was. She had a list of offers to us. I will accept the behavioralist (a different one, and the second person I need on my team) and I gave her the go ahead to get her enrolled in the 30 day specialized respite program offered. It may happen sooner than later. I'm fine with it running into school starting as this child will not learn anything academic until we get her mental illness under control. I'm thinking we may end up with more in-home care hours which would be good if I can have the new care worker I want!!. :-) She's also getting me a list of things we have to do. YEP... a third person giving me a long list of work.
The third person I need on my team is a pediatrician that was NOT accepting new patients. I would not take no for an answer. After back and forth phone calls and information gathering she relented. I was quite thankful for her receptionist who didn't push me away.
The fourth person on our team needs to be our current pediatrician.
The fifth is a DD child psychologist. Hmm... I didn't know there was one. Apparently there is. Someone else is going to get us the referral, though.
There's so many phone calls to make and so much to do. There are people praying that we will get the help we are seeking and I know that is why finally someone is hearing me. It helps too when I say, "oh, the other day she threatened to jump from a second story window." That really gets people's attention. I really don't know if she would have really done it, but she was contemplating it and her mood was way crazy and out of control. Both feet were on the windowsill and she was hanging out....
Someone has come forward and would like to babysit her one day a week for pay, but they are praying about it as they have small children and are unsure if it is the right thing. I encouraged them to take as long as they like to make the decision.
James is doing well. He and Isaac have been playing a lot together. Truly it is the most I have ever heard this kid play pretend. Conversation, changing voices, interactive... it's great. Also they LOVE the new pump track in nearby town and can spend 3 hours straight riding their bikes till they are so tired they can't anymore. I've been planning tubing down the river and swimming at the pool, etc... AFTER they help in the garden for a couple hours in the cool of the morning.
One day I emailed NAMI in our town. I told them some of the most recent happenings. And then I waited. Surprisingly someone called me late one evening and she gave me a list of people to call and some advice..
Slowly I worked through the recommendations and things have become more encouraging. Getting help from the mental health system is pretty much futile if the providers are clueless about developmental disabilities. They cannot see past the DD. I was given the name of a lady who I think works with Treehouse and/or Behavioral health for children in our town. She really got the situation and she isn't going to leave me hanging. I think she will help me pursue all available avenues. She is clearly an advocate of adoption support. She mentioned that it was in the state's best interest to give us all that we need because too often these adopted children end up back in the system and that is the last thing they want to happen. She gave me a list of people I need on my team.
One is our Department of Developmental Disabilities case worker. Well, previously we had a case worker who was very sweet and made sure we had the basics, but when I pressed for more she had nothing to offer except an in-home behavioralist. The last behavioralist was terrible and I would NOT have him back in my home for any reason so I turned down her offer. Recently there was a change and we were assigned a new case worker. When I got ahold of her today I was blown away at how knowledgeable she was and how proactive and encouraging she was. She had a list of offers to us. I will accept the behavioralist (a different one, and the second person I need on my team) and I gave her the go ahead to get her enrolled in the 30 day specialized respite program offered. It may happen sooner than later. I'm fine with it running into school starting as this child will not learn anything academic until we get her mental illness under control. I'm thinking we may end up with more in-home care hours which would be good if I can have the new care worker I want!!. :-) She's also getting me a list of things we have to do. YEP... a third person giving me a long list of work.
The third person I need on my team is a pediatrician that was NOT accepting new patients. I would not take no for an answer. After back and forth phone calls and information gathering she relented. I was quite thankful for her receptionist who didn't push me away.
The fourth person on our team needs to be our current pediatrician.
The fifth is a DD child psychologist. Hmm... I didn't know there was one. Apparently there is. Someone else is going to get us the referral, though.
There's so many phone calls to make and so much to do. There are people praying that we will get the help we are seeking and I know that is why finally someone is hearing me. It helps too when I say, "oh, the other day she threatened to jump from a second story window." That really gets people's attention. I really don't know if she would have really done it, but she was contemplating it and her mood was way crazy and out of control. Both feet were on the windowsill and she was hanging out....
Someone has come forward and would like to babysit her one day a week for pay, but they are praying about it as they have small children and are unsure if it is the right thing. I encouraged them to take as long as they like to make the decision.
James is doing well. He and Isaac have been playing a lot together. Truly it is the most I have ever heard this kid play pretend. Conversation, changing voices, interactive... it's great. Also they LOVE the new pump track in nearby town and can spend 3 hours straight riding their bikes till they are so tired they can't anymore. I've been planning tubing down the river and swimming at the pool, etc... AFTER they help in the garden for a couple hours in the cool of the morning.