Yesterday I took the time to respond to bio mom's letter requesting a visit in a certain park on a certain day in an unexpectedly far away city. We had agreed previous to the adoption that she had a once a year visit with the kiddos in July provided she met certain criteria and if we felt that it was in the children's best interest. We were rather surprised at the letter. Well, okay, maybe not really surprised, but it appears the gal expected us to drop the kids off for the day and really, really thought that all the parents of her 5 kiddos were going to make that long trip. For some it is a 6 hour drive and they hadn't expected it to be more than 10 minutes away.
The date didn't work for us however we will be in that area later in the month and we decided to make the effort to try and meet up with her then. I wrote the letter and used Publisher to make it nice with the kids' pictures. Steve was rather surprised at the effort put into it. I felt I had to put myself in her shoes, worthy or not, and do for her what I would wish. I have to remind myself that who she is cannot change who I am and how I choose to relate to her.
I know for a fact that some of the parents will not make the trip.
Then we got a surprise call in the evening. The twins' sister's family was driving through town and they were stopping for a burger. We drove to the picnic area and the twins played tag and kick the can with their sister and the other kids. From what I can observe, the need for the sibling connection is strongest in the kids older than the twins. The twins were too young and too medicated to have many memories, though this sister closest in age is the one they can relate to best. (Prescription overmedication to the point of abuse.)
As my friend who adopted from Ethiopia remarked, this adopting from foster care has a whole different and involved element that foreign adoptions don't usually have.
There is also an aunt who communicates with me regularly on FB and wants the twins to call her often (though I only allow it occasionally). There again, it's time and effort and my dime. And how much do the twins gain by that? I haven't really decided.
Project #4 The trailer is FULL of KNAP WEED! Ick. What a job.
1 comment:
In Alabama, we had to go through 30 hours of classes. One of the focus points of these classes was for us to understand the loss that the children may feel from the biological family. We didn't hit on bio parents visiting kids at all, but we did focus a great deal on grandparents and aunts/uncles and siblings.
Our class was very mixed on how we would respond to that challenge. I have 3rd cousins once removed that are like my siblings, so I can understand the loss of family members who couldn't care for the children.
Good for you for understanding the need and being at least open to it if it is in the twins best interest!
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