Saturday, July 2, 2011

All My Plans OUT the Window...

I saw it coming. 
The edginess, the intensity, the terse words told me we were headed for total crash. 
If we could have just made it to church we could have delayed the inevitable.
We tried.
We put her in the car screaming.
We sat in the car and prayed aloud
and when I turned and saw the tears streaming down her sensitive twin's face
I had him move up a row to the seat in front of her
instead of beside her.
We were moving down the gravel road...
and she went into a rage beating at the seat in front of her
so I had Steve stop 
and I got out
and hauled her out
and we walked home.
 - Or I walked home, anyway.
Missy raged and flapped her arms, 
hit me, spit on me and threw her one remaining shoe at me.
She's a terrible shot.
I warned her strongly that she should NOT touch me.

There was a quite a row of little girls ringing the crest of the hill watching 
our parade in silence.
And it makes me sick that they have to see this...
I feel responsible to protect their innocent little eyes.

I took off her nice dress and put her in bed.
and put her in bed
and put her in bed
and put her in bed.
Finally, I warned her that next time she got out of bed she would be getting a spanking.
Miracle, of miracles she stopped getting out of bed,
but not screaming.
Steve and I prayed over the phone together.
Praying for wisdom.
Eventually worn out she fell asleep and is still sleeping.
And here I sit wondering if I could have done something differently to cause a different outcome.
Should I have held her on my lap this morning when I noticed her edginess?
Should I have given her full attention when she was throwing those
little manipulative attention-getters my way?
Should I have put her in time-out to make her realize she needed to 
stop and think and be careful of the slippery slope ahead?

Though, I probably didn't do the right thing at the right moment
I do think the Lord was preparing me ahead of time.
He led me to study Ephesians chapter 4 this morning.

I beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called,
with all lowliness and gentleness,
with longsuffering,
bearing with one another in love...
To each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift...
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth,
but what is good for necessary edification,
that it might impart grace to the hearers...
Be ye kind one to another,
tenderhearted, forgiving one another,
even as God for Christ sake has forgiven you.

9 comments:

:)De said...

timely! thank you

Marty Walden said...

It's a constant process of grace and forgiveness but I have grown more through these times than I imagined possible. You are showing her God and it will not go unnoticed.

GB's Mom said...

So sorry. Hope can't self regulate and most times what I try to do to help her regulate it is ineffective. Sometimes, you can't turn the storm, even when you see it coming.

rachel said...

I am a faithful reader of your blog, but seldom take the time to comment. I can identify with so much of what you write, though with some differances. I have five children adopted from foster care, one of them has had a lot of struggles with self-regulating as well. This post sounds very familiar, the out of control fits, often for no apparent reason. For her, we have found that she is gluten intolerant. Eliminating gluten has given us our life back, she has a total differant personality! It is an incredible answer to prayer! I just thought I would share that in case its something you would like to check into.

acceptance with joy said...

Rachel,
It's always fun to meet the people who read here!
Missy is gluten intolerant as well as dairy intolerant.
I'm really reAlly careful, but there may be more that
I am unaware of... She's also struggling with self. There
Is no doubt about it! Thanks for stopping by.
Angela

Anonymous said...

Boy Ange, I hope the Lord give you the victory before she is sixteen and twice your size. I'm proud of you for taking on such a task and I believe the Lord will give you these two souls. I hope you survive the process.
Dad

Julie said...

I don't have the answers but I sure am sorry that you went through this. Your heart for these kiddos is amazing and your compassion shows even in the hard spots. Praying for you.

Anonymous said...

Missy sounds very much like child with RAD. Perhaps a consultation with a therapist, or at least making contact with some other parents of RAD kids, to learn some therapeutic parenting techniques would help.

Laurel said...

Walking this walk right along with you. Asking myself the same questions.

:) :) )