About Open Adoption

This silence....

It isn't for lack of words...

Or posts in my head.


Time is the culprit. Time and the fact that I want to be sure what I write is worth my time and yours. And that takes more time, but I have to do the motherly thing, and the wifely thing and the housemaid thing, and most importantly the daughter-of-the-King thing... and good posts can wait sometimes.

But I had to share something, whether I have time or not.


There was a time that I wasn't sure about having an open adoption. I didn't know if I wanted to deal with the unknowns. For the mother's sake, we said yes we would be part of an open adoption. There is no real benefit for the children's sake that anyone can see. The guidelines were drawn up pretty conservatively. One visit a year and two letters or cards, but not for holidays. Then the adoption was final and the ball was in our court, no one could hold us to the agreement and if we felt anything was inappropriate about the relationship we were encouraged to drop it, because this person was not really seen as a "safe person".

To me, though, an agreement is an agreement and we set out to do our part. Our first visit was well prayed over and successful. There were NO reactions from the kids whatsoever. Riding the carousel horse for the first time in her life, with her biological mother by her side, it was "Daddy" Missy screeched for and turned to for safety when the horse lurched forward and frightened her at the start. That woman was no one to her, really.

I gave the mother an email address to contact me to help us in the arrangement of our visit. From that point on she emailed me every week or two asking how the children were, asking for photos, etc... I only emailed her back about once a month. The more I interacted the more she expected ... demanded, actually. I understand her personality. Her daughter is my daughter  - if you get my drift! I did send some photos, but I know she was posting them everywhere which was a little strange to think about.

The kids have never received the cards or letters that were agreed on.

I was busy this fall. I didn't respond to any of the emails for 2 months.... and then I got an email from her telling me to never contact her again, to quit texting her, that she wasn't interested because she is a married woman. Oh the drama. I laughed. Clearly she had emailed the wrong person. I am not a guy stalking her for what I can get out of her. I emailed back to clear things up, BUT she has blocked me.

And there we are.

I have her email address and I could email her from a different account, but I don't want her on our family account.  This one address was perfect. It came to my phone and no one in the family would stumble across her emails that way.

How hard am I suppose to try? I have no responsibility towards her outside of our agreement, really.  Obviously, she still has my address and the mailing address through DSHS to connect. She can still contact me.

Anyway, that's the story in the life of our open agreement. I suppose it could go either way now.