All My Plans OUT the Window...

I saw it coming. 

The edginess, the intensity, the terse words told me we were headed for total crash. 

If we could have just made it to church we could have delayed the inevitable.

We tried.

We put her in the car screaming.

We sat in the car and prayed aloud

and when I turned and saw the tears streaming down her sensitive twin's face

I had him move up a row to the seat in front of her

instead of beside her.

We were moving down the gravel road...

and she went into a rage beating at the seat in front of her

so I had Steve stop 

and I got out

and hauled her out

and we walked home.

 - Or I walked home, anyway.

Missy raged and flapped her arms, 

hit me, spit on me and threw her one remaining shoe at me.

She's a terrible shot.

I warned her strongly that she should NOT touch me.

There was a quite a row of little girls ringing the crest of the hill watching 

our parade in silence.

And it makes me sick that they have to see this...

I feel responsible to protect their innocent little eyes.

I took off her nice dress and put her in bed.

and put her in bed

and put her in bed

and put her in bed.
Finally, I warned her that next time she got out of bed she would be getting a spanking.

Miracle, of miracles she stopped getting out of bed,

but not screaming.
Steve and I prayed over the phone together.
Praying for wisdom.

Eventually worn out she fell asleep and is still sleeping.

And here I sit wondering if I could have done something differently to cause a different outcome.

Should I have held her on my lap this morning when I noticed her edginess?

Should I have given her full attention when she was throwing those

little manipulative attention-getters my way?

Should I have put her in time-out to make her realize she needed to 

stop and think and be careful of the slippery slope ahead?

Though, I probably didn't do the right thing at the right moment

I do think the Lord was preparing me ahead of time.

He led me to study Ephesians chapter 4 this morning.

I beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were called,

with all lowliness and gentleness,

with longsuffering,

bearing with one another in love...

To each one of us grace was given according to the measure of Christ's gift...

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth,

but what is good for necessary edification,

that it might impart grace to the hearers...

Be ye kind one to another,

tenderhearted, forgiving one another,

even as God for Christ sake has forgiven you.

Brain Deficits and Spiritual Application

Things have been calm and smooth around here. Both children have been pretty much content. Missy isn't comabitve and isn't really struggling for control. Lately when she manipulates for domination - partly out of habit- we just shut her down. Steve's line is: "Please be quiet. No talking. NO WORDS, please". and mine are more like: "Hmmmm. I don't play those games. If you want to be like that you will have to go out of this room and it you want to cry about it we can arrange a time out."This works when she is doesn't have her dander up already.

James is really finding it difficult to transition from one activity to another, but he isn't going into complete meltdown. His problem may be biological in nature. From my research on the brain the part of the brain right down the center might be misfiring, or not communicating such as you would find in a child with overfocused ADHD. The brain scans of such kids show "holes" and  lack of metabolic activity right down the center of the brain (as best as I can remember, please don't quote me). This can overlap in OCD type behavior, also. Use of alcohol, drugs and other such catastrophic events by parents can destroy parts of the brain, as we all know. I was interested to learn that they are no longer just blaming the mothers for alcohol effect. Fathers are no longer off the hook.

Anyway, if I wanted to I could probably get this kid a major label as he shows classic signs of a few problems and has consistently for as long as we have known him. I'm not looking for that, though, I do like to understand how his brain might be malfunctioning so that we can have patience and understanding in dealing with him. One of the things that was stressed was that the use of behavioral medications for children under the age of 6 probably cause  brain damage itself as seen in ADHD. This child was on up to 6 heavy duty drugs for years. It's not the poor kid's fault his brain isn't functioning at performance peak, now is it? But God says that he will use the weak things of this world to confound the things that are mighty. 1 Corinthians 1:27 Do you think that physically damaged brains given over to the Creator's control just might fulfill this statement and confound us all?

We have seen huge improvement in so many areas since he has come home to us and I know that it will continue to improve. Not without hard work, nutrition, stimulating environment and ever so many other things, above all God's faithful healing in his life.  I  know he must be given tools to overcome and cope with his deficits. It is promising knowing he has power in Christ to help him work through those moments when transitioning from getting out of bed to making the bed seem like an overwhelming task. Knowing he doesn't have to melt down into a sobbing mess and then capitulating over into frustration and anger is encouraging. If I ask him if he wants to pray about it he almost always does. I pray and then he prays and by the time we are done and his decision is made the crisis is no longer trying to intrude. This in itself is improvement. Used to be that asking him to pray was just another transition to work through.

I saw a picture on facebook of the twins yesterday that was taken before we knew them. The change is phenomenal. One would hardly recognize James. The pitiful thing was bloated and red, his eyes dull and unfocused. He was a lost creature just in a state of being. It makes me cry to realize just how bad it was when I compare to the vibrant, enthusiastic kid he is now.

Anna-Joy  had to go to Children's Hospital this week while I just sent her with Steve and I took James on a long bike ride with Bri. We found out her last ear surgery was a bust, so we are rescheduling for another type of ear surgery for the fall. Apparently it's not okay to have a hole in your ear. They think it might make a difference in her speech if she could hear more clearly.

This morning at 4 am Steve and Brianna had to drive to immigration a few hours away to make it to the 8 am appointment for Brianna. They are working to unfurl the mess her greencard is in so she can live and work here in the USA. That's one way to spend Canada Day.

Happy Canada Day!

The twins  are each cleaning a bathroom... very happily, I might add. A happy day indeed.